broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Hungry heart


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I read this article yesterday in the New York Times about the impact of diatery differences on our relationship. This is becoming a real issue nowadays as we define ourselves more and more by what we eat. Food, or our diet, has transformed into a matter like religion or money. And intolerance can go really far: some vegans would never date a carnivore, nor anyone who has consumed something coming from the animals, including honey. Some carnivores would never date a vegetarian, or worse for them, a vegan. But again, it really depends on how we accept to compromise on this subject.

My sister, who is a carnivore, but not a true one (if she doesn’t eat meat for a week, it doesn’t matter that much for her) lives with her man who is a vegetarian, but again, not a true one. He eats fish, but not meat. She has adapted to his diet because it didn’t demand her too much effort: she has always preferred eating fish than meat. If they go to the restaurant, she can eat whatever she wants, he would be offended at all. This diatery difference only bothers my mom, who finds it difficult to prepare a meal for all of us without meat or poultry.

One of my friends is allergic to gluten. She told me she would find it difficult to date someone who can’t help eating bread, at least bread all the time. “It’s just that if I kiss him just after he finished eating pasta, or bread, it will make me sick. Otherwise, I can accept it” she said.

Another one was raised by her parents, true vegetarians, but she never accepted this diet. Each time we went out for dinner when we were younger, she would order meat at the restaurant. She was always the first to ask in our group to go eating pittas, hamburgers, … She always told me she could never date a vegetarian or a vegan because of that. “I was restricted from a lot of food when I lived with my parents, and I couldn’t imagine dating a vegetarian who would tell me not to eat meat because it just makes you tired all the time or makes you smell bizarrely” she said. She’s now married to a carnivore, and really happy. He has just to adapt his diet when they pay a visit to her parents, occasionally.

Sometimes, it’s not the diet or the food that cause the problem, it’s just the way we eat. I remember I was particularly disgusted to see D. eating, because 1) he would always eat the same thing: spaghetti carbonara 2) he would eat all the time. I don’t mind big eaters, but there’s a way to eat properly, and not just stuffing yourself. I consider that as debasing. One of my friends also told me she can be disgusted by the way a man can eat, and that she would have no remorse getting rid of him if he eats like a pig.

Also, some men will judge women by the way they eat. Some can’t stand picky women or those who just eat one salad and are happy with it. The reverse is also true for women. “My ex would always criticize what I cooked for him. I had a list of meals I could make and a list I certainly can’t cook and this one was really long compared to the other. Once, I had to leave him for a two weeks seminar abroad, and I left him with all kind of processed food I could find in the supermarket. When I came back from my trip, he told me he haven’t eaten so well for a long time. It turned into a huge fight, and we decided to call it quits. Now, my man doesn’t complain at all about my meals, and it could make me more happier” H., 35, said.

Like the article said, sharing meals is a metaphor of love. For some people, it really matters.

So, do you mind if your partner’s vegan/vegetarian/carnivore while you’re not? And do you mind if he/she’s picky with food or eats like a pig?

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9 thoughts on “Hungry heart

  1. Raindreamer says:

    That is why I do like men, who can cook themselves. If you don’t cook yourself, you have no right to complain about what some one else cooks.

  2. whatigotsofar says:

    I used to be a vegetarian because for a long, long time, I didn’t like the taste of meat. I have since learned the err of my ways and now enjoy a nice steak every once in a while. Chicken though, I could eat chicken everyday. I’m in love with chicken now. Especially when its fried. [wipes the drool from the keyboard]
    I’ve got no problems with other people being vegetarians or vegans or whatever. Its when they shoot me dirty looks for eating what was once an animal that really pisses me off. Animals, vegetables, they’re both living breathing creatures farmed for human consumption. Humans conquered the world dammit. Lets start enjoying it. If I want to eat that, I don’t care what it used to be, its food now.
    Besides, animals and vegetables get to eat whatever they can catch, why can’t I? I just do my hunting in the grocery store instead of the jungle.
    As for being picky, I’m a very picky eater. My pickyness is based entirely on taste and service. Nothing to do with vegetarianism or anything like that. I don’t like the taste of many types of foods. If I was with somebody, they would have to be able to eat at the restaurants I’m willing to eat at. And they also have to be able to not have to eat at certain restaurants when I’m envovled. If she wants to go to Korean BBQ, she’s welcome to do so, just don’t invite to come along. She can definitely eat it with her girlfriends and coworkers and such. But if its just me and her, no damn Korean BBQ.

  3. Raindreamer, a man who cooks is a rare breed. And by cooking, I don’t mean just warming things 🙂

    WIGSF, some vegans/vegetarians/carnivores have no tolerance for others who aren’t like them. Indeed, I don’t like when people tell me what to eat and what not. It’s a question of personal taste. Period.

  4. Raindreamer says:

    Well in fact nowadays they are not so rare as one would think. (I’ve been cooked at!) But yes – not all the man can.

    Yet if you cannot cook yourself you better not complain about other peoples cooking. It is like somebody whit two left feets would complain about other peoples way of dancing.

    My brother has been forced (at home) to learn to cook at least a little (we all – me, my sis and mom took care about that). And even my father knew how to cook porridge and eggs (better than my mom), because he was a breakfast person. (And never ever complained about my moms cooking!) Oh yes and he could perfectly well cook potatoes (his favourite).

  5. As an aside, my ex-husband would devour masses of Doritos. To me, they were birth control in a crinkly, orange bag. I have a bionic nose; scents like that don’t go away. I could handle garlicy onion breath better.

    He completely resented me for this bias. Carnivore/vegan, Dorito-er/non-Dorito-er. All the same, opposite sides of the fence and tough to reconcile. At least he did respect my nose’s dis-taste/dis-smell for sauerkraut and not cook that. Well, early in our marriage he did once for lunch when I was out all day and I smelled it when I got home that evening.

    Bionic nose = not a good thing.

  6. Cricket, a bionic nose certainly doesn’t help in this matter 🙂 lol
    I love your metaphor about Doritos. I must say those make me sick too.

  7. dontdatethatdude says:

    I don’t care what they eat, as long as they don’t care what I eat and if our diets are different I would not want to be expected to prepare food for them, but I am intolerant of people who eat just plain crap all the time and especially if they are feeding it to their children as a dietary staple.

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