On the celibacy market, the chances to find someone who’s not divorced and have no children are thinning when you grow old, unfortunately. When you’re 30, 35, 40,… what you can find among the single people isn’t of first hand, but more of second hand.
If he/she’s divorced without kids, this isn’t much a problem for you, except if his/her ex is still very present in his/her life and a bit invading. But the troubles really begin if the object of your affection shares the custody of his/her kids with his/her ex.
Two of my colleagues are now married, but when they began dating, the male one had already divorced once and had two kids, twin daughters exactly, with his ex-wife. Luckily for his new wife, his little daughters accepted easily my colleague into their life. She told me that they were the most adorable kids on this planet and that his husband, his ex and her manage to deal with this equation without any problem, except maybe organization.
This is an ideal scenario, but what if your lover’s child is as nice with you as Pol Pot? “When I met J., he told me he had a 3 year-old daughter with his ex- wife and that he had custody of her during two weekends per month. He didn’t warn me that she was difficult and still traumatized by their divorce. The first time I met her, she basically told her dad that she wanted him to separate from me and to go back with her mom. Their marriage didn’t last because he had enough of his ex-wife character, and because she cheated on him. So, each time the kid went to visit his dad, she tried her best to ruin our relationship. She would wake up in the night to come into our bed, she would provoke me all the time and then complain to her dad that I was mean all the time with her. I really hoped she would finally accept me, but instead, her dad realized it would never work out with the three of us, and ditched me” I., 34, said.
“He had a four year-old son who always repeated to me I wasn’t his mom at the beginning. But he had a little problem with his parents’ divorce: he refused to eat anything and cried at night sometimes. I told my man his child needed to see a psychologist, and after a little therapy, his kid finally accepted me into his life”H., 35, said.
And what if you’re another one in the long list of conquests of your partner? “P. had a huge turnover of women in his life, and he was living with his son as his wife died in a car accident many years ago. His son didn’t rebel at all with this, but it was really heart-breaking to see how he would seek a mother in every woman that passed into his dad’s life” G., 34, said.
Dealing with your partner’s kid(s) can be tricky, especially if his/her divorce didn’t end that well. Besides, some parents, for a reason, manipulate their kids so they can ruin unconsciously the chances of the other parent to find love again. This is a black scenario, it can happen, but it’s not always the case.
So, have you ever dealt with such a situation? And would you consider the other’s kid(s) as a turn off for a relationship?