life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Men at work

Once, I had a conversation with one of my best friends about the men we wouldn’t date at all. And she pointed out an important point: she couldn’t date a man whose job is simply too controversial or against her principles. An example? “I could never date a politician because I don’t care about politics at all, and I have no respect for politicians. I could not date a dealer, a man who sells weapons, one whose job consists in swindling the others. Also, I have a hard time with cops” she said.

Her choices are quite restrictive, but I can understand her. We all want someone we can respect, and if he/she already disappoints us with his/her job, the relationship may be ill-fated. Another friend of mine doesn’t necessarily agree with this. “Of course, I wouldn’t want to date a crook or a dealer. If he’s condemned, you can get condemned too as his accomplice, and that’s a situation I don’t want to live. But for the rest, what he does to earn his life doesn’t interest me that much. If he’s happy with his job, why would I ask him to change? Besides, there’s a clear line between the professional life and the private life. I don’t believe these two ever cross” she said.

Another one said she cares about his profession if it takes him all his time. “I was married for three years with an analyst who was barely there during the week and spent all his week-ends working. I felt completely secondary feels, and that’s why I asked for a divorce” she said. So, in  her no-no list would fall the doctors, CEOs, firemen, cops,… every job that is time consuming in fact. She could add in her list the journalists. Just in my newsroom, one of my colleagues managed last year to be for seven months away from home, traveling the world for his press trips. And also sailors and military men.

Dealing with a man whose job is very demanding isn’t easy. As one of my contacts said delicately about his wife: “If she’s not happy with my job, then I will change for another woman“. How nice.  Personally, I don’t mind if he’s working more than 12 hours a day, as long as he thinks about me and has from time to time some special attentions for me.

On the other hand, if he’s not working at all, while the woman is working, some women find it hard to maintain him financially. 

So, is there any profession that is a turn off for you?

 

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celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, Music, relationships, thoughts, women

High fidelity

In the book High Fidelity, Rob Fleming, the main character, judges the others by the music they listen. He and his clerks are basically music snobs who just despise the clients who have a shitty taste for music in their shop.

Recently, I had a conversation with one of my colleagues about our musical tastes, and it reminded me of this book. He’s into opera, while I don’t know much about it, but he doesn’t have a clue about alternative and rock music, while I do. So, he asked me what kind of music I was listening to, and when I gave him the name of the bands I enjoy the records, he just looked at me as if I was speaking chinese or something like that.

I don’t know why, but I don’t like to talk about my musical taste, especially when I know the other people don’t know anything about Tool or Queens of the Stone Age (except three of my friends, no one in my entourage has ever heard of those bands, yup). Music is something personal, everyone has a different taste on this. Besides, there’s so many different categories, groups, artists, … that it’s impossible to know everything in this area.

One of my friends think it’s important to share the same taste in music with your partner. “I once dated a guy who listened to the crappiest pop music on this planet, like  those Romanians who sang  on a plane, I think the name of the band was O-zone or something like that, and I thought to myself what a jerk he was. I noticed that often, shitty taste for music goes hand in hand with a crappy personality too. So, for me, it’s definitely a criteria for picking a man” she said.

Another said that it’s best when your mutual tastes for music are not too far from each other. “Don’t forget that if you plan to live with him, you will have to bear his music, so, it’s best when it doesn’t offend your ears. How could you stand a guy who listen to metal and stuffs like that while you’re into classical music?” she said.

Another friend of mine said she doesn’t care at all about the musical taste of her potential partner. “If he has all the qualities I look for in man, this is purely a detail that should be ignored” she said.

So, would you reject someone because he/she doesn’t listen to the same kind of music than you?

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Regret

Last week, I had a strange emails exchange with one of my contacts about an article I was writing for my newspaper and it infuriated me to the point I had to leave and cry in the bathroom for a moment. I was mad after myself because I didn’t have the guts to tell him frankly he was getting on my nerves and that he should stop harassing me. Instead, blurred by anger, I just forwarded the emails to my boss. The next day, I received an email from my contact’s secretary telling me my article was great and thanked me for that. I just understood that day I lost for good this contact. His secretary has never called me or sent me an email to do so since I know her (it’s been 4 years now).

This is an example on how we can ruin something just because we couldn’t keep our calm. Getting angry happens to most of us, I know very few people who can remain impassive in every situation. And in those moments, we often say/do things we regret immediately after because we knew we went too far or just acted the wrong way. And this can take a dramatic turn if we do so with our partner.

I asked around me how people can ruin a relationship stupidly, and this is what I got for answers.

During a fight, I told him he was a loser and that he would never succeed in what he did because he was talentless. I also told him I was ashamed of him. The next day, he walked out of my life, telling me I was just a cold-hearted bitch” , I., 30, said.

I cheated on him because I thought he was unfaithful. Not only he discovered everything, but he had been faithful during the two years we spent together. So he dumped me”,H., 34, said.

I insulted his family during a dinner where his aunt played a little bit with my nerves, saying I was getting too old to have a child and that I should quit my job because it wasn’t suitable for a woman. Yes, I know, I should have just left the room and say anything, but I can’t keep my mouth shut, especially when I feel attacked. I didn’t want to apologize afterwards, and preferred to stop the relationship” J., 35, said.

“We got into another argument about his invading mates, and he infuriated me to a point where I threw a glass on him. He got badly hit by that and fell on to the ground where he cut himself with the broken glass. He was so mad that he left the apartment, and the next day, he took the opportunity I was working to clear all his belongings. He just left a letter saying I was a bitch and that he never wanted to see me again” P., 32, said.

Of course, it depends also on how the other reacts to our anger. When it’s someone you really love, you just wait for the thunder to disappear. But when it’s not the case, there are aftermaths.

So, have you ever got mad to a point you can’t control yourself anymore? And have you ever lost your temper with the one you love(d)?

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Head over heels

Many, many years ago, one of my ex’s told me this when we broke up: “I hope you will find a man that will dominate you”. He didn’t mean it in a hateful way, we did remain friends afterwards. But he said that because back then, I had some troubles respecting the opposite sex. This is BTW the reason why we broke up together.

Recently, a friend of mine, who was known to all of us as a really tough person and a true man eater, announced to us she was getting married with the man she loved, to our biggest surprise. So far, she hasn’t managed to keep a man in her life for more than a month and treated the opposite sex decently. To her eyes, men were just stupid, arrogant, good for nothing and useless. Until she met her future husband. She threw a party with her entourage so we could meet him, and with my other friends, we couldn’t help thinking he was extraordinary for managing to marry her. When we arrived there, we discovered a face of our friends we didn’t know. She was there, smiling and leaning her head on his shoulder. She never did that before with any man. We learned that he was ten years older than her, very cultivated, funny, witty and that he ran his own company. He had this natural leadership with everyone, including with my friend. She basically obeyed to him throughout the evening.

So, my ex had reason. My friend managed to find a man she respects, and who dominates her, in a good way.

But I can’t help thinking, do women need to feel dominated to love someone? When I ask that around me, this is what I get for answers.

Dominating is a harsh word to my ears. I would say no. I do like having control of everything in my life, including on my man. I couldn’t stand a man who would tell me what to do, what to wear, and who criticizes me when I do something wrong. I’ve seen my mom being humiliated like that by my father, and I promise myself not to reproduce this scenario with my man” O., 34, said.

It depends on how he dominates me. If he’s winning on me because of his intelligence, his kindness, his attention for me, I would say yes. But if he dominates me with authority, it won’t do”H., 32, said.

I would say yes, I like when a man leads the way. I guess his natural authority can be difficult to manage sometimes, but that’s the price to pay when you love someone who takes the control of the relationship” P., 35, said.

” Yes. Because when you love someone, you accept to give up, to remove all your brakes and boundaries” K., 30, said.

Accepting to feel dominated in your love life really depends on your personality.  If you’re a control freak, there’s little chance you could stand a partner who will tell you what to do. If you like to rely on the other  or just follow orders, then it’s another story. But my friend’s example shows that even the most unsubdued characters can change if they find their master.

Besides, accepting to give up, to let go, because you love someone makes you vulnerable. And if the person you love doesn’t respect you like he/she should, you can really suffer in a relationship like this.

So, do you like to feel dominated in your love life?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

Sleeping with the enemy

I read once an interview of Katherine Heigl, who said that since she’s married, sex has never been so good because you can let yourself totally go when you feel in safety. Maybe she’s right, but this doesn’t prevent some people to sleep with the person they truly hate.

One of my friends did sleep with a guy she hated because she was drunk and so was he at a party, and that’s how it happened. “We were in high school in the same class, and we couldn’t stand each other. I thought he was stupid and arrogant, he thought I was just meaningless. Years later, we met in a party, and as the evening went on, we got completely drunk. I can’t remember much things after the bar, but when I woke up in the morning and saw him laying on the bed next to me, completely naked as I was, I understood. I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with him after, and he didn’t want to either” she said.

My other friends think they won’t sleep with the people they don’t like or hate. But it depends. “If it’s just for sex and I fancy the guy nevertheless, then I would sleep with the guy I hate” one of my friends said. “It depends on how much I hate the person” another one said.

Alcohol can help you getting closer to the person you hate, but remember that hate and love are often linked with each other. Reasons why we hate each other are sometimes unjustified. I hate some people that have done me no harm (OK, one of them did try to ruin my career as a journalist and is a schizophrenic) and some people don’t like me even if they don’t know me personally. It’s just how we feel about the others.

Besides, sleeping with someone you hate means that you do trust him/her enough to let him/her touch you. Except of course, if you’re doing it for the money. In this case, some people will accept anything from anyone.

So, could you sleep with someone you truly hate?

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humor, life, miscellaneous, thoughts, wacky

If…

I stole this meme from WIGSF. Hope he doesn’t mind… Here it goes

My roommate and I once … too long to explain. A hint: he once played his Dr. McSteamy

Never in my life have I eaten horse. Eeeewwwwwww

High school was full of hopes and promises.

When I am nervous I bite my nails (which happens all the time)

My hair is brown.

When I was 5 I was desperate because my sister was born, and I knew I would never be the spoiled and sole child in the family… That would explain why I started to terrorize my classmates at that tender age.

By this time next year I will be biting my nails

I have a hard time understanding … mathematics

You know I like you if I do want to see you again/ talk to you

My ideal breakfast is to have time taking it…

If you visit my hometown you’ll be desperate. It has recently been elected the ugliest city in the world. Just for that, I’m proud of it.

If you spend the night at my house, you have to be invited and promise to do some cleaning… It will be necessary.

My favourite blond is Maynard with a blond wig

My favourite brunette is Maynard with a brown wig

The animal I would like to see flying is an elephant. I would love to see a real Horton, that would be fun. Maybe he would hatch the egg…

I shouldn’t eat chocolate

Last night I couldn’t sleep. Too much worries

I’ve been told I look like Brenda, in Beverly Hills 90210. Yep, that sucks.

If I could have any car it would be a mini cooper. The coolest car on earth, but not reliable at all. Maybe I should ask for a mini cooper and a garage mechanic.

If it’s a tag, it should be passed, so DDTD (even if I know you don’t like tags), WishBoNe, Raindreamer and Cricket, it’s your turn. Don’t thank me for that…

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

The best of you

Some people can reflect a bad image of you, others would on the other hand reflect a good image of yourself. I went once to lunch with a true douchebag for my work, and the conversation was a bit strange. This guy kept on asking me questions about my skills, abilities, hobbies,… I had the impression to apply for a job again, you know, when each answer you give is carefully examined and immediately interpreted. You know that if you reply this, it would mean that you’re this and not that. And in the end, the examiner gave you your psychological profile. This is how the light of my life learned he was an “autocrat” (we still laugh about that now). Here, the lunch left me with a bad taste in my mouth. He gave me the impression I was uncultured, lazy, a big party girl, and meaningless. But he also gave me the impression he was a sinister person who doesn’t live his life but just work, work, work, a true misogynist, and the most boring person on this planet.

This is an example on how the other can send  back a bad image to you. The opposite situation happens too. One of my former colleagues once confided to me he often watched TV Shows like the Jerry Springer’s show or something like that just to realise he was normal and that there were some wackos out there. A former classmate used to carefully select the people she was seeing and once told me she could not be friends with one girl of our school who was a little bit overweight just because “she couldn’ t tolerate being seen talking to her”. Generally, people who just surround themselves with people who serve as a mirror to themselves are just narcissistic and will seek for a partner that reflect a good image of them.

However, it’s better to look for a partner that will reflect a good image of you than the opposite. In the book “Eat, pray, love” (Thanks, DDTD, for mentioning this one on your blog!), Elizabeth Gilbert relates the theory of Richard from Texas about soul mates. He said that a soul mate reveals the inner you, and gives you the keys to search beyond yourself, but couldn’t stay with you on the long-run. I don’t know if it’s true, I don’t believe in soul mates.

Besides, reflecting a good image of you can also mean that you can give the best of you. One of my friends once told me the most flattering thing I’ve ever heard in my life: “with the rest of my friends, you are the one that makes me a better person, in the sense that I do want to cultivate myself, be nice with others, and more in peace with myself, and I thank you for that“. In love too, this dynamic also works. It’s better if your partner can bring the best out of you.

So, do you look for people who will bring the best out of you in your relationships?

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