broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

The reverse of the medal

One quality alone in your partner isn’t enough. This is why, when we look for the One, we establish a list of requirements he/she has to fulfill. Sometimes, we compromise on certain points of that list, but most of us don’t summarize it to only one quality.

Picking your partner because he’s funny/smart/a good lover/ rich/…, if he/she also gross/violent/unfaithful/manipulative/… is a nonsense. But unfortunately, when we fall in love, we tend to see only the good side of the one we love, and focus precisely on their main qualities. And here begin the problems. An example?

I wanted a man who was intelligent, just that. It’s a quality that really turns me on in a man. But unfortunately, my Ex was very intelligent but also very authoritarian and he could easily manipulate me to do what he wanted. I was too weak to realise I was fooled on the moment, and each time, I was furious I didn’t see it coming. I even had difficulties to leave him, because he gave me tons of good reasons not to do so” L., 34, said.

He was the best lover I ever had, but apart from the sex, we had absolutely nothing in common and we kept on fighting for everything. And on top of that, he wasn’t faithful at all” O., 35, said.

“I wanted to date and marry a MD when I was younger, I thought a man like this could fulfill all my dreams, occupying a function that cares about the others, having a social status, offering me a stable life without any financial problems. I did manage to catch one, but he was never at home, to busy with his patients. and I grew tired of not seeing him enough”Y., 36, said.

“I look for men who can offer me a financial security. But generally, this means they are hard working, and that I barely see them. I had one of my ex’s who just couldn’t devote to me more than 10 minutes per day”I., 37, said.

This is a proof that you can’t have your cake and eat it. But sometimes, we can have our cake and eat it. And still be not satisfied with it.

“I fell in love with P. because he made me laugh like no one else but was also caring. In the beginning, we laughed a lot together because of his multiple jokes, but as time went by, I started to feel a little bit sick and tired of this. I realised he couldn’t simply take anything seriously and that I changed. So we split” P., 32, said.

B., my ex, was everything you could wish for. He was smart, caring, funny, sensitive, understanding, … But I wasn’t a good person when I was with him, and cheated on him with a guy who didn’t have all his qualities at all. I still regret this, but B. has moved on and he’s married now, and there’s no turning back possible”T., 35, said.

So, have you ever missed an opportunity in your love life? And have you ever got disappointed by someone you thought he/she got it all?


3 thoughts on “The reverse of the medal

  1. Lorna Tedder says:

    Good question. I had an opportunity with a long-time acquaintance a few years ago. He was amazing and we have tons in common, a lot of respect for each other, and great chemistry. The problem was, we both demanded integrity in a partner (after our previous marriages). We found out we had a job conflict that extended several years beyond just quitting our professional relationship. It came down to an integrity issue and we wouldn’t have respected the other if we’d crossed that line. Now, if we’re ever availabe again after the time period is up, that’s another story 🙂

  2. dontdatethatdude says:

    I have to say yes to both questions. I have passed up really nice guys to date manipulative losers who I thought had it all! I think it’s called self-deception! Ugh! 😉

  3. Hi Lorna Tedder,
    When your professional life interferes with your love life, unfortunately, it can put a strain on it.
    Thanks for stopping by.

    DDTD, unconsciously, you were behaving with the conduct of failure in those relationship. We’ve all been there, unfortunetaly. Self-deception? I like this term 🙂

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