broken heart, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

You’re just a baby


I bumped into an old friend of mine recently. We went to College together, and at that time, he was dating a much older woman than him. He was 20, she was 40. “Women of my age don’t attract me, I’ve got the impression to be with whining babies, while older women represent the real woman to my eyes” he said back then. Now, he’s still dating a woman who’s 15 years older than him, faithful to his idea.

He told me that this kind of relationship has one huge problem: its social recognition. “I don’t really care what people can say about us, but what is hurting me the most is the fact that my family doesn’t really accept it, especially my mother, who takes the culprit of being a bad mother because of my choice” he said.

This reminds me of my old director. She came once in our office devastated because her son decided to move in with the woman of his life. The problem was that this woman wasn’t exactly what my boss had hoped for her son. “He met her in his school, she was the one who was serving the dishes at their restaurant. She’s old, she’s fat, she’s gross, she’s simply eeewwwww. On top of that, she has already a kid with a convict. What was he thinking?” she said. She told me her daughter and everyone else in the school called her the grumpy whale, because she wasn’t exactly kind with the students. She made obviously an exception for my director’s son. He told her mom she was the one, and that she’d better not interfere in his decision. I wonder if he’s still living with her now…

This is a special example, but in my friend’s case, the woman he’s dating has nothing to do with a grumpy whale. The problem is just the age difference. He explained he got a lot of remarks about their relationship coming from his relatives, that goes something like this: “She’s too old to give you a baby”, “You don’t come from the same generation, how can you understand each other? “, “You’re at the beginning of your life, she’s already experienced tons of experience you need to discover by yourself”, “She looks like your mom, when you’re together, it’s just ridiculous”. And he told me that his partner also gets a lot of biased questions/advices about it, like for example”He will leave you for a younger one” or “He’s just a baby, you can only mother him”.

Age difference in a relationship shouldn’t be a problem if both of you share a lot of common points, the same goals in life, and a true understanding of each other. This is what my friend believes, and he’s right. If both of you are on the same wavelength, then age ain’t nothing but a number. Another friend of mine, who’s 30, is dating a 50-year old designer right now, and she said that of course, you have to share a lot of common points, but it’s better if you’re sexually compatible too.

So, would you date someone younger than you?

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9 thoughts on “You’re just a baby

  1. My age comes from the end of baby boomers. I loathe pure baby boomer mentality, as it is that of my youthful parents, so I cannot date older. However, I feel my ideas are too old for someone 10-15 years my junior. I really prefer to date my age. My ex-husband and ex-fiance both graduated HS and college same as me. Hmmm, maybe I should learn from that!

  2. As someone who’s nearly 30, I think I’d scare the guys younger than me here. Also, the immaturity thing…Ugh. I just don’t think I could do it. I really want someone RIGHT around my age and my level of experience. It’s hard enough to find a mature 30 year old without trying to find a mature 20something. Unless they’re graduates of the School of Hard Knocks and had to grow up real fast (my friend’s husband did that, and when they got married he was 18. Then again, he’d been full-on adult since 15 or so), that’s difficult.

    That said, I still uh, approve of Ivana marrying a guy 20+ years younger. And other people doing it. I just don’t think it’s for me.

  3. dontdatethatdude says:

    It really bothers me when I see a 60-something guy dating at 20 or 30 year-old woman and I have to immediately think she is only going out with him because he has money, and we see this happening a lot with rock stars or other famous people. It feels to me like they are dating a child and that just icks me. Some of the men my age who aren’t so financially adept would fantasize about dating someone 20 years younger but that would never happen, so they just dream. For me going out with a guy more than say 5 years younger than me would be my cut-off because they are just too immature and many of them would want to have children and I am not up for that. But if the circumstance were right and we really had a lot in common then I might consider it, but I would probably always have it in the back of my mind that he had a “mommy complex” . . .

  4. Jennifer, maturity is one big deal in such a relationship. And it’s true it’s difficult to find a mature guy younger than you. But they exist. Besides, if you’re immature, you can get along with much younger than you 😉

    DDTD, for men, dating a 20 something year-old is part of the midlife crisis. Besides, even if they’re 15 years older than you, the baby thing can still pop in the relationship.

  5. Age differences don’t really bother me. If I were to date someone that was several years older then myself, I would be ok with it as well as anyone I know. My friends and family know that it’s my decision and my business.

    Sometimes people have to just let other people be. Nagging someone about the age of their boyfriend or girlfriend is just damaging your relationship with them. Besides, they are the one that has to go to bed with them right?

    This was a really original post. I’m so glad I came by it. Thanks.

  6. Hi April,

    Thank you! And you’re welcome. Indeed, it’s only your business if you’re dating someone older than you, not everyone’s business. Those reactions are just stupid. If you’re happy with your partner, there’s nothing wrong with that.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  7. lifestrings says:

    Hi,

    I just come across ur blog,while I was too worried for my own relationship like this.Thanks,I got ppl who think its normal and ok.

    I met a guy ,who is 3 years younger to me ,we use to play badminton together in a sports complex.I was just done with my graduation and he with his Grade 12.We interacted ,he respected me.Was eager enough to get the knowledge and experience that I hold.Then,it was my b’day .he got me a Red Rose and I got him a Chocolate and that’s where we got to realize ,we connect well. I am 21 and I never had a bf.Parially, b’coz I did’nt wanted to have.

    Later, after 1 month I left the court b’coz my term ws over and my P.G course had to start.He got worried and wanted to spend sometime talking to me.I liked his company and felt very comfy with him ,as I never got with any guy before,the reason , he was younger to me , jus of my sister’s age!! So, I took him as a protege and a good frnd too.Then he asked for my cell number that day, and I found no harm in giving.I gave. And, after a few days , he started msging me and so did I.Later, we had some commone intrest like reading,playing n a few more.So, he wanted to meet over to learn something from me.We met.We did a lot of hangouts. Gradually, we started talkin daily over the phone.I found it ok.coz no romance can go hear b’coz we have a age differnce and I am a person who’s first to say ‘eww’ to this.So, i never bothered i’ll fall for him.Although, later he gave me signals, he likes me..but I did’nt wabted him either to say in words,coz i dint wanted him to face rejection.

    Its 1 year now and today is the day ,when he finally said, we will not talk to each other or meet ever. Eventually, a couple days back he introduced me to his mother and she commented absurdly and made faces…i think ,its b’coz of that.Don’t know wat is he thinking exactly.Also, from a few months we daily had fights but the other day we were back to square one! It was a good experince in life.But, the point is .A younger guy,should be strong and understanding enuf..

    I don’t think it was love..for any of us. But, I do miss him and will coz he really got my notes most of the time..And, I think if i start looking for guys i’ll get more of my choice and who’ll love me.This guy, was getting frustrated coz he cud’nt relate to my knowledge and I’d to behave kiddish and inane everytime ,so that he dosent feel out of place. But, he misunderstood it and named me a ‘fool’! that’s enuf for my self-respect…

  8. Hi lifestrings,

    Dating a younger man has one inconvenient: his immaturity. Not all men are like that, but your ex seems not mature enough for you. You’ll find love again, I’m sure.

    Take care.

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