Many, many years ago, one of my ex’s told me this when we broke up: “I hope you will find a man that will dominate you”. He didn’t mean it in a hateful way, we did remain friends afterwards. But he said that because back then, I had some troubles respecting the opposite sex. This is BTW the reason why we broke up together.
Recently, a friend of mine, who was known to all of us as a really tough person and a true man eater, announced to us she was getting married with the man she loved, to our biggest surprise. So far, she hasn’t managed to keep a man in her life for more than a month and treated the opposite sex decently. To her eyes, men were just stupid, arrogant, good for nothing and useless. Until she met her future husband. She threw a party with her entourage so we could meet him, and with my other friends, we couldn’t help thinking he was extraordinary for managing to marry her. When we arrived there, we discovered a face of our friends we didn’t know. She was there, smiling and leaning her head on his shoulder. She never did that before with any man. We learned that he was ten years older than her, very cultivated, funny, witty and that he ran his own company. He had this natural leadership with everyone, including with my friend. She basically obeyed to him throughout the evening.
So, my ex had reason. My friend managed to find a man she respects, and who dominates her, in a good way.
But I can’t help thinking, do women need to feel dominated to love someone? When I ask that around me, this is what I get for answers.
“Dominating is a harsh word to my ears. I would say no. I do like having control of everything in my life, including on my man. I couldn’t stand a man who would tell me what to do, what to wear, and who criticizes me when I do something wrong. I’ve seen my mom being humiliated like that by my father, and I promise myself not to reproduce this scenario with my man” O., 34, said.
“It depends on how he dominates me. If he’s winning on me because of his intelligence, his kindness, his attention for me, I would say yes. But if he dominates me with authority, it won’t do”H., 32, said.
“I would say yes, I like when a man leads the way. I guess his natural authority can be difficult to manage sometimes, but that’s the price to pay when you love someone who takes the control of the relationship” P., 35, said.
” Yes. Because when you love someone, you accept to give up, to remove all your brakes and boundaries” K., 30, said.
Accepting to feel dominated in your love life really depends on your personality. If you’re a control freak, there’s little chance you could stand a partner who will tell you what to do. If you like to rely on the other or just follow orders, then it’s another story. But my friend’s example shows that even the most unsubdued characters can change if they find their master.
Besides, accepting to give up, to let go, because you love someone makes you vulnerable. And if the person you love doesn’t respect you like he/she should, you can really suffer in a relationship like this.
So, do you like to feel dominated in your love life?