broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Head over heels

Many, many years ago, one of my ex’s told me this when we broke up: “I hope you will find a man that will dominate you”. He didn’t mean it in a hateful way, we did remain friends afterwards. But he said that because back then, I had some troubles respecting the opposite sex. This is BTW the reason why we broke up together.

Recently, a friend of mine, who was known to all of us as a really tough person and a true man eater, announced to us she was getting married with the man she loved, to our biggest surprise. So far, she hasn’t managed to keep a man in her life for more than a month and treated the opposite sex decently. To her eyes, men were just stupid, arrogant, good for nothing and useless. Until she met her future husband. She threw a party with her entourage so we could meet him, and with my other friends, we couldn’t help thinking he was extraordinary for managing to marry her. When we arrived there, we discovered a face of our friends we didn’t know. She was there, smiling and leaning her head on his shoulder. She never did that before with any man. We learned that he was ten years older than her, very cultivated, funny, witty and that he ran his own company. He had this natural leadership with everyone, including with my friend. She basically obeyed to him throughout the evening.

So, my ex had reason. My friend managed to find a man she respects, and who dominates her, in a good way.

But I can’t help thinking, do women need to feel dominated to love someone? When I ask that around me, this is what I get for answers.

Dominating is a harsh word to my ears. I would say no. I do like having control of everything in my life, including on my man. I couldn’t stand a man who would tell me what to do, what to wear, and who criticizes me when I do something wrong. I’ve seen my mom being humiliated like that by my father, and I promise myself not to reproduce this scenario with my man” O., 34, said.

It depends on how he dominates me. If he’s winning on me because of his intelligence, his kindness, his attention for me, I would say yes. But if he dominates me with authority, it won’t do”H., 32, said.

I would say yes, I like when a man leads the way. I guess his natural authority can be difficult to manage sometimes, but that’s the price to pay when you love someone who takes the control of the relationship” P., 35, said.

” Yes. Because when you love someone, you accept to give up, to remove all your brakes and boundaries” K., 30, said.

Accepting to feel dominated in your love life really depends on your personality.  If you’re a control freak, there’s little chance you could stand a partner who will tell you what to do. If you like to rely on the other  or just follow orders, then it’s another story. But my friend’s example shows that even the most unsubdued characters can change if they find their master.

Besides, accepting to give up, to let go, because you love someone makes you vulnerable. And if the person you love doesn’t respect you like he/she should, you can really suffer in a relationship like this.

So, do you like to feel dominated in your love life?


8 thoughts on “Head over heels

  1. I have become acutely aware that the reason I eventually break up with men is because I don’t respect them. I don’t want to be dominated, but I do want the respect to be mutual. That said, it is very nice when you can trust someone enough to take the reins sometimes.

  2. I like being dominated by intelligence not by bully. If it, however, takes a nasty turn like dis respectfulness, there is something to reconsider.

    I also like men with egos, but if they never learn about when to keep it aside for the sake of relationship, what good will it be ?

  3. Cricket, respect is a key element in a relationship. If both of you don’t respect each other, it’s not worth staying together.

    Aniche, you need to feel respected in a relationship, and it’s got to be mutual.

    Shefali, indeed, being dominated has its reverse. If he’s disrepectful to you, you have to reconsider your relationship. There’s always a balance to find.

  4. dontdatethatdude says:

    I like a dominating man, but not a bully, I think there is a big difference. I like a confident man who knows his own mind, when I see this I respect him and I think Cricket is right when she says you must trust someone enough to let them take the lead, you must know they have your best intentions in mind and that they will basically do what they know you would do too, that is why compatibility is key, when you have the same goals and respect for each other both can take turns dominating without one getting their ego hurt.

  5. DDTD, if a man’s disrespectful to you, he’s simply not confident at all. It’s really a matter of trust and compatibility of characters.

  6. lot says:

    Being treated with respect and considered as an equal would be a more ideal relationship. Dominating a person is for the power hungry or for the insecure person using it as a defense mechanism.

  7. Respect is a key element in a relationship, lot. It’s ideal, but it’s necessary if you want the relationship to last. Dominating in a bully way is indeed a defense mechanism, and it just shows the person doesn’t really love you if he/she does so.

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