celibacy, life, love, men, sex, thoughts, Uncategorized, wacky, women

A full on chemical reaction



In one episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte York vowed not to have sex with her future husband until the wedding. And just before the D-Day, she got the occasion to test the merchandise, and realized her future-ex husband was completely useless in bed.

I got recently in touch, thanks to f…book, with an old classmate who made the similar wish when we were in high school, and I couldn’t help thinking about the Charlotte York’s unfortunate experience. My old classmate waited to lose her virginity until she got married, at 26, and she told me that she didn’t care that much if her man was a bad or good lover, as long as he loves her. This is her conviction, and I respect it.

But I couldn’t help asking around me if people would wait until their wedding to lose their virginity. And the vast majority told me this: no.

Sex plays an important role in a relationship. If I get bored of my lover, there’s a good chance I will go and seek for the greener grass elsewhere. And if I can’t judge if he’s a good shot before I commit myself into the relationship, it won’t interest me H.,” 35, said.

What’s the use of having a man who’s your best friend if he’s not a good lover too? If he doesn’t fulfill both roles, I don’t think I would have the patience to handle him. I need to have both in a man, and how can I know that before I wed if I don’t try him before?” I. 30, said.

Absolutely not. I really believe sex is a cement in a couple. When I look around me and see those unhappy couples, I tell to myself that they probably have the most boring sexual life. Having a terrible lover can ruin a relationship, and I don’t want to discover that after I pronounced the sentence: till death do us part. It ‘s a horrible perspective for me” O., 34, said.

I would like to, but it’s too late”P., 46, said

So, what about you?

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6 thoughts on “A full on chemical reaction

  1. My ex-husband and I didn’t date much before we got married. We’d known each other since we were 12, tho. I dated plenty in hs/college, but he did not. He was a virgin, while I was not. He wanted to maintain that until our wedding night – he was barely 24 and I was almost 24. Because I was experienced, I knew how good or bad that could be. He wound up being very good when he would do it. However, he was not accustomed to the rythmns of a sexual relationship. He could not ask for it. I had to initiate everything. Some of this hesitance was inherent to his personality, but I will never again marry someone with whom I didn’t have life rythmns with. Test driving over time is necessary.

  2. I had a cousin whose fourth(!) husband wanted to wait until marriage. She found out on the wedding night that he was impotent and had no interest in doing anything about that.

    I will always test drive.

  3. dontdatethatdude says:

    I thought I could make a marriage work, where my sexual partner had proclivities that at first attracted me, but later just made me realize how completely “fucked” up he was. I also thought that over time 2 people could teach each other about their desires in the bedroom and the passion would grow. I have found this to NOT be the case, but only in one relationship. I feel so sorry for Jennifer’s cousin (she commented above), because he blindsided her with that and he wasn’t honest about it before the marriage. I think I would get it annulled because he coudn’t consummate the union. It’s another good reason to make sure his equipment works well before the wedding night and it’s news to me. I learned a lot in the 2 seconds it took me to read her comment! Thanks! 🙂

  4. DDTD, having a great sexual connection with someone is important I think. You just left your boundaries when you feel completely in harmony with your partner.

  5. David says:

    My wife an are in our 50’s. She has had a hysterectomy an no hormon replace. She has lost all desires in the bed room.I still function.An ask for romanic evenings foreplay kissing etc. But she’ll just say let’s do the basics NO touch no foreplay. For all the ladies out there take the hormon pills makes a better lover out of you with desires

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