life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

You’re beautiful

Once, I went to lunch with one of my friends, and she told me she didn’t find herself pretty enough, that’s why she felt obliged to wear sophisticated clothes. “I don’t feel comfortable enough to go out with just some pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, I’m not pretty enough to handle it” she said. Then, she told me that the most offending sentence a man could tell her is that she’s not pretty. She’s smart, and has a strong personality, but yet, this little detail is poisoning her.

When I was in high school, and talking with my girlfriends about the little things in life, this topic appeared in our conversation, and most of my friends said they would prefer to be told they’re stupid rather than ugly. I found it weird, because I thought (and still think) the contrary. Yet, many years later, I realised, as I grow old, that I do appreciate when a man tells me I’m beautiful. But it depends who’s saying that, and on what circumstances. The choice of words is also important: beautiful, charming, luminescent,… everything that sounds as if you were heaven sent, in fact. Don’t’ s are: good, fit,… everything that just reminds you you’re a body. Most of my friends agree with this. And most of them told me they liked when this compliment sounds genuine. If it’s someone insincere saying it, it doesn’t have the same effect.

Why is it important to feel beautiful and to be told so? I asked around me, and people replied this.

It just comforts me when I’m feeling down. It’s shallow, I know, but it feels so good” L., 34, said.

I don’t know. I guess I want to prove myself I’m still desirable and attractive” R., 35, said.

Because it’s the easiest compliment you can receive. Beauty catches the eye, and the reaction is immediate to it. Intelligence and personality are much more complicated to judge. And these aren’t consensual” P.,36, said.

Even if I don’t care, there are times when I need to be told so. Just because I’m getting old, and that it becomes challenging to hear that when you pass a certain age” U., 45, said.

It’s my last resort before I yield to cosmetic surgery” T., 40, said.

And who can say that to you?

Anyone, as long as it’s sincere”J., 35, said

The man I love, or the man I fancy” H., 34, said.

The men that count in my life” Y., 47, said.

My friends, my family, my husband” P., 38, said.

So, do you appreciate when someone tells you you’re beautiful? And what are the words you don’t like to hear about yourself?


6 thoughts on “You’re beautiful

  1. Beauty is an inside out job but we want to know others have seen it too. As a man beauty is a natural thing; you don’t need make-up or cleavage or short skirts. A beautiful girl somehow just shines and then EVERYONE recognises it.
    It’s who she is inside. Anyone who cares only wants to touch, know and feel that part of her first.
    So yes, you are beautiful if your words are anything to go by. The rest is up to you. Smile on!

  2. dontdatethatdude says:

    I like to be told I’m beautiful, but I also like to be told I am smart, funny, and that I’m good company. What don’t I like to hear? Anything negative to be honest, but I don’t think people say that stuff out loud, unless they are socially inept, it’s usually comes in an unwelcoming glance, or they are not responsive. Those things bother me.

  3. I struggle with the idea of beauty and admit to having body dysmorphic issues; I am not bad looking, but could stand to lose some weight – am working on it. I don’t think I am beautiful, but it doesn’t ruin my day. I am lots of other things, like smart and funny and insightful and good mother.

    I have dated/had relationships with two people who have insisted upon repeatedly telling me I am beautiful, as if to convince me. It works to the opposite, reminding me that I don’t feel beautiful, and makes me feel bad when I otherwise felt good. I try to ignore it, but it doesn’t go away.

    I much prefer someone telling me that they adore me, as that encompases many facets, those they feel as well as the ones I want to feel. In other words, I’ve had the idea of beauty thrust upon me and it is very uncomfortable when the concept is unwelcomed. I believe one of these people was more focused on the physical beauty and the other did include the internal.

  4. Hi mrinnersmile,
    It’s true that beauty comes from within. If a woman’s beautiful, but frowny, there’s little chance people will find her beautiful.

    DDTD, it’s best to have both compliments, isn’t it? And yes, I when people are just mean with you, this also pisses me.

    Cricket, beauty works also as whole, including your personality, your qualities, everything you do. People who love you love you as a whole person, not as bits of you. It should be like that.

  5. umeshu says:

    hi, i stumbled upon your blog and started browsing. Yea, as a woman approaching 40, getting comments from men I fancy definitely makes my day! Call me shallow but I guess it’s just part of the process of ageing…trying to hold onto something that’s fast slipping away.

  6. Hi umeshu,

    No, it’s isn’t shallow at all to think that way. If it comforts you, why should it be?
    Thanks for stopping by.

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