One of my colleagues, who’s also a friend, is hitting a rough patch in his marriage right now. His wife suffered the trauma of a miscarriage one year ago, and felt the need to adjust some little things in her life. Unfortunately for my colleague, she has also put her marriage under questioning. He told me that since this drama happened in their life, she has been constantly criticizing what he was doing. “Nothing I do is good enough for her anymore” he complained to me. “She even said to me recently that she couldn’t stand my parents, although it’s been fourteen years we’ve been married now“, he added. “I don’t feel supported anymore”he said.
I just hope for him they can work out what’s remaining of their marriage. Yet, I’m not that optimistic for my colleague right now. Even if we become more and more independent in our life, there are certain things we do appreciate to feel from our partner: their support, for instance. If your partner is constantly despising what you’re doing, instead of encouraging you, I don’t think the relationship will last. Life can be difficult, and it’s good to know you can count on your partner to help you forget your worries. This has to be mutual, of course.
When I worked as banker, I received once a woman who just got divorced from her husband, and she told me a little bit about her divorce. She said that she couldn’t stand the sight of her spouse anymore, because he had turned into a selfish individual. “He wasn’t like that when we were younger, but he progressively changed and only thought about himself. I felt I was a burden for him, because he kept on telling so. He also criticized me constantly, saying I was a bad driver, and that I shouldn’t waste my time at writing stupidities. Now, you can’t imagine how I felt relieved to be rid of him. I wrote my book, it has sold well, I’m more in peace with myself. This has cost me my marriage, but I had no choice. It may sound selfish to you, but remember that my ex-husband didn’t leave me many options” she said.
When the pieces don’t fit anymore, is it worth fighting for a lost cause? I’m not sure. When I see how unhappy is my colleague right now, I would love to tell him that he shouldn’t hang so much on a broken relationship. Yet, I know that he doesn’t consider at all a divorce, because marriage is sacred to him. Or maybe he should tell (if he hasn’t done it yet) how he feels to his wife, and that he needs to feel supported by her.
So, do you need to feel supported in your relationship?