broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Dream catch me


In the unbearable lightness of being, Milan Kundera explained that we all need to be watched. He divides the people in four categories according to this paradigm. The first one needs the look of a infinite number of people. The second one needs the look of familiar faces. The third one needs the look of the one they love (and without it, everything falls apart), and the last one lives under a imaginary look coming from absent people.

This last category belongs to the dreamers. I’ve met many people in the first, second and third categories described by Milan Kundera, but this one is really an exception as he said. Yet, when you think about it, when we break up with our partner, some people still act as if they were watched by their ex, even though he/she’s not there anymore. My former director, who was in the middle of a divorce when I left his company, did everything in his life in function of what his ex-wife would have liked him to do, strangely, although his ex left him for her gym teacher. Of course, it was temporary, but it showed that sometimes, we can all fall into this dreamer category, whether we’re conscious of it or not.

People who lose the one they love by a tragic death can also react like that. I confess that when one of my best friends died in an accident many, many years ago, I still reacted as if he would approve or disapprove what I was doing, and it lasted years after he passed away. He was like a brother to me, and we often fought when he was alive because of my then misbehaviors. I wasn’t an angel at that time, and his loss basically put my life under a huge questioning. He became a little voice inside my head that told me not to do this, or to do that.

Recently, I watched a report where a young homeless struggled to get herself out of the streets after her boyfriend’s death, and she had those words for the journalist: “I know he wanted me to have a better life, so I tried my best to get out of my situation. The temptation to go backwards is always there, but each time I doubt, I think about him, and it gives me the strength to carry on” she said. She reacted exactly as I did, many years ago.

Reacting like that, as if we were watched by someone absent, can be really helpful to us, in certain circumstances.

So, have you ever been in a situation like that? And under which category described by Milan Kundera would you fall?

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3 thoughts on “Dream catch me

  1. I was in the fourth a year ago. I thought my ex thought of me the way I did him. He went out of his way to reassure me of that as we were ending. It was nothing I asked for and I actually told him that his love at a distance meant nothing to me – but it came to mean a lot, too much. Gradually, I began to realize that he compartmentalized his life in such a way to block out the past and that I was not a reality to him anymore. I was just like those two extra ex wives he’d failed to tell me about.

  2. dontdatethatdude says:

    Yeah, I’m a dreamer! But not all the time, I mean I think it goes away after a while. I used to think that way about my x I sometimes still do it, but not like he’s watching, more like what would he tell me to do in this situation. He was very logical. I also fall under the category of the 2nd type. I like familiar faces to see me!

  3. Cricket, reality always makes us come down from our cloud. But sometimes, it’s for our best.

    DDTD, if you fall under the 2nd category, you’re in good hands 🙂

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