life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

Don’t speak (I came to make a bang)


When I was on holiday, the light of my life had the brilliant idea to sort the books I prepared to read while abroad, back in where they were stored. And of course, I didn’t notice that until we arrived at our hotel. Since I need absolutely a book to read on the beach, I headed to the local library, and chose one book really without looking at it. After I read the summary, I realized I chose a book about Hitler. But not a biography. Really a story about what would have been his life if he had succeeded in the Fine Art Academy instead of turning into what he became.

In the end of the book, the author, Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt explains how he managed to finish that book, and has a little theory about how we live our sexuality. He divides the people in two categories: those who have a self-centered sexuality, and those who have an altruist sexuality. The first one just have sex to get his own pleasure, while the second one gets his pleasure in giving it to his partner. The first one doesn’t necessarily need a partner for reaching his pleasure.

So, a question popped into my head when I read that: is it possible to determine in advance in which category your potential lover would fall? I would say yes. When you have in front of you a person who only talks about himself/herself, and considers that the world revolves around him/her, chances are you will have a self-centered lover. For the second one, well, if he/she’s caring for you, there are chances he/she will fall in the second category.

Yet, most of my friends told me they met a lot of exceptions to that paradigm. “I dated this guy who was absolutely charming in the outside world, very caring and everything. But when we ended in the bedroom, I had in front of me a guy who was good for nothing, and let me do all the job. Zero initiative, and a terrible lover. He even punched me accidentally when he tried to change position” one of my friends said. “He was charming and everything with me, until he had sex with me. All he wanted was to get laid. And no, he wasn’t looking to give me pleasure, just do his thing and that was it” another one said. “You have to make a distinction between the guy who just plays it like a king in the public life and the private person. Sometimes, you can have a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with a person like that. My ex was like that: when you see him the first time, you will think he’s an arrogant and selfish guy, but that’s the image he wants to give to the others. In the intimacy, it’s a whole new story. I was really touched I discovered that side of him, a side he wouldn’t let anybody see. He showed me a vulnerable side of him. I was expecting to have a self-centered lover with him, but he proved me wrong” another one said. “You can tell that if he’s at ease with his body, of if he’s not. A man who’s comfortable with his body knows how it works and will have a better understanding of yours. So far, no man has ever proved me wrong on this” another one said.

So, in which category would you fall? And can you determine that in advance in the others?

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3 thoughts on “Don’t speak (I came to make a bang)

  1. dontdatethatdude says:

    I would say I am both. I like to give and to receive! While I was reading this I thought of a guy I was dating who is not included in this, he is the one who is a good lover, but brags about it all the time, like it defines him and he is able to stoke his own ego because of it, so while he likes to please the woman he is with he is really just pleasing himself because he thinks he is so good at it….weird, huh?

  2. The Last Spartan says:

    Absolutely the latter. Pleasing my partner gives me FAR more pleasure than receiving. Unfortunately, my partner has few needs so it’s a little lackluster in that regard. It’s hard to figure how someone will act once alone and naked. I would say that more people are similar to their outward persona than different.

  3. DDTD, it’s not because he thinks he’s a good lover that he’s actually a good one. Pretending is one thing, being good at it another. And often, the biggest babbler about this is just the opposite. I prefer when he’s low key about it. Besides, it’s better when you discover it yourself 🙂

    LS, I guess people are similar to their outward persona, but there can be some dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of personality.

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