One of my friends is going to spend the next six months alone, because her man has been sent abroad for a mission. And she said to me that she should take a lover during his absence, because she needs someone she can fight with.
That’s a strange reason to take a lover, and also a strange way to consider the other half of your couple. But when you think about it, the little fights with have with our partner have something special, because they make the relationship a little bit more thrilling. These silly little tensions are often ridiculous and start with nothing, and we often laugh about it afterwards. But I have the impression they create a deeper bond between lovers.
Of course, there’s a clear distinction to make between little fights and a true and really mean one, where you tell to your partner things you shouldn’t and that make irreversible damages to your relationship. By little fights, I mean contradictions to his/her point of view on meaningless topics or just really teasing, mocking gently your partner. Example: the light of your life never notices the thing he’s looking after in the cupboard or anything else, while most of the time, this thing is laying just in front of him. That pisses him, but it always makes you laugh, and it always pisses him more because you’re mocking him. Or he’s always mocking you because you can’t park your car properly and you’re a terrible driver (my bad). The starting point of all of these is just our flaws. We all have flaws, that’s what makes us human after all.
Most of the people around me told me they prefer a partner who’s insolent with them than one who’s subdued and has a smooth personality. “I need someone who can offer me a bit of resistance. A man who would say yes to everything I say and that would keep on repeating me I’m perfect is simply boring” I., 34, said. “I only tease and mock the people I love, so I expect it back from the man I love”L. 35, said. “I have the impression to be a kid again when we start those little fights. These moments are really precious to me, and I must say that, after a long day at work, these are more than welcomed. They relieve me from all my worries”O., 32, said.
I guess this is the language of love…
However, there are some rules for those teases. First, it should remain between you and your partner. You should never use the other people as witness of your little fights, because it can be really humiliating for you and your partner. Two of my former colleagues were a couple, constantly mocking each other in front of us, and we felt a little bit embarrassed for them.
Second, there’s a thin line between gently mocking and truly humiliating/criticizing your partner. And I must say it’s easy to cross that line.
Third, it should be sporadic, not constant.
So, what do you like, between a cheeky and a subdued partner?