broken heart, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Where do we go now?

In the Vanity Fair article about Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, there was a short paragraph about how passive-aggressive Cécilia Sarkozy acted during the presidential elections with her then husband. She didn’t vote the D Day. She would show in cocktail parties dressed casual.  She gave provocative interviews in magazines, saying that she wouldn’t be a  conventional First Lady.  I remember  one UMP meeting where she and Nicolas Sarkozy were among all the politicians of their party, and when the crowd cheered them, Michèle Alliot-Marie, who stood behind them, took their hands and joined them.

With my friends, we had a lot of discussions about the state of their couple during the presidential elections. Most of my friends thought he begged her to come back to him during this important event, because he couldn’t make this alone. I think she felt used, more than loved, and that she made her possible to piss Nicolas as much as she can, sometimes not even consciously, but she couldn’t be direct with him. Hence the passive-aggressive behavior.

This kind of behavior is hard to deal with when you’re in love with someone who’s affected by this. And even if you’re not.

Recently, one of my friends told me about her experience at work with one of her colleagues. She’s not sure about his feelings for her, and she said that she didn’t do anything to tease nor to tempt him. “He’s married, he talks about his wife all the time. Yet, he’ s always hanging with me, always sending me emails and he seemed drawn to me. I swear I just try to be polite with him, and nothing more. I don’t want to be involved in a destructive relationship with a married man” she said. “He wasn’t ambiguous at first with me, but now, things have evolved. He keeps on complimenting me or having special attentions for me. But I always reply with the cold shoulder. And I get punished for that” she added.

Basically, my friend’s punitions boils down to little humiliations in front of all of her colleagues. “He tells me what I should do, in front of everyone. I’m untidy, and he told me that I should sort my desk, while I was talking to my boss. Once, he spilled his coffee on my documents, and he didn’t apologize for that. I went ballistic after that. I can’t take it anymore” she said.

Maybe she should talk to him, directly. But she must avoid feeling guilty for all of this. It’s not her fault. And if he doesn’t understand, well, she should talk to her boss.

I must say I’m in the middle of a similar situation with B., my professional contact who drives me mad. We never argue directly, but we use creative ways to pass our aggressiveness to each other. I write unpleasant (but true) things about his company (and I must say I enjoy it). He spends his time bringing me down when I go interviewing him, reminding me the limits of my profession. He shows up late each time, and can’t remain seated during the interviews. He also replies to all of his phone calls (he used to ask his secretary for a deviation during it). I don’t care, I’m not nice in my articles afterwards…

But I’ve decided to stop. I won’t write any negative article about his company unless there’s a good reason for that. And I won’t interview him anymore.

So, have you ever dealt with a passive-aggressive person? And do you act (sometimes) passive-aggressive with the others?


2 thoughts on “Where do we go now?

  1. I am not a passive aggressive person. Like your friend, I will say things that a socially astute person would pick up on. I try to be polite. If the person is socially inept, then I get more direct, however I first give them the chance to bow out gracefully without being chided somehow. I think, though, that I allow for more graces and politeness than others, as in the passive aggressive. I lived with that with my sister and now she’s out of my life, so that goes to show how much I abhor that behavior. I am surprised that you use it professionally, but very happy you’re changing your ways.

  2. Cricket, I know, I hate this behavior. I realized I acted the same way with one of my former colleagues too last year. This is the behavior of frustrated people. I’m working on my frustration.
    You’re a straightforward person, that’s why you don’t react like that.

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