celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Glitter and trauma

Is it really possible to have a sustainable relationship with someone who’s not from the same background than we? I remember once a TV documentary about a woman who met her rich husband in a club, and who described her life as a fairy tale with her playing the role of Cinderella. She came from a modest background, and accepted to live with him in the United States, in his lavish villa. She said she felt happy but yet, she was seeing a therapist.

I believe it’s not easy saying goodbye to your old life, where you have all your references, to embrace a new life induced by the one we love. But this my personal opinion: I need to have stable references in my life. This is what builds my strength. I couldn’t sacrifice every aspect of my life because of love. I would fear I wouldn’t recognize myself.

Dating someone from another caste raises some issues we wouldn’t have with someone from our caste. Money is probably the number one issue. Some people don’t care at all when their partner takes charge of everything and adapt easily to a wealthier environment. Some don’t and take a personal offense when they’re offered this and that. Usually, men are more likely to react like that compared to women. Some of them have the conviction that they should earn more than their lady, so, they live it very hard to be leaded by a wealthier woman.

The second issues are the social codes. If you’re not completely stupid, you will notice that you don’t belong to the same caste as your partner because his/hers has different codes. Good manners for example. I don’t say that because you come from a different caste, you don’t have good manners. I know how to behave in society, yet, I’ve noticed that the very rich people (coming from old and established family) have uber-good manners. Style can also be an example. While most of us rely on brands like H&M, Zara,… to dress, the superior castes rely on their stylist and/or brands like Armani, Gucci,… (but it’s not a synonym of good taste). Then, there are the friends/ entourage. “I dated a guy who came from a wealthy family. His parents were extremely posh and didn’t like me. His friends were spoiled little brats who didn’t consider me very well. I didn’t fit in his world, and that’ s why we broke up” O., 34, said.

Some couples do manage to get over those caste differences, though. We have an incredible ability to adapt to an environment.

So, would you date someone out of your caste?


8 thoughts on “Glitter and trauma

  1. Giselle says:

    Well, Maybe I might fall in love or date someone different.. but the differences at first even though might arouse my interest, later will mostly make me uncomfortable..
    When I was younger I thought it didn’t matter but as I grow older I realize that the way you are brought up does matter…Even marrying someone from the same community has its own problems.. so how about different communities..?
    But I do not believe in caste differentiations. And if I were truly in love ever with someone from a different community, then maybe I would learn to adjust slowly..
    Who can say.. Im not interested in knowing that now.. coz; Im married to a guy I love and coincidentally from the same community with quite similar backgrounds..


  2. Hi Giselle,
    When we grow old, we tend to care more about those things we didn’t consider at first in a relationship. This is because of our past experiences. I guess it’s also linked to maturity.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  3. Giselle says:

    Yea.. Maturity.. A word that sounds so .. big!
    Howmuchever we dont want it, it does catch up with us! Anyway, I really like your site! there are many good posts that I wanna read in my own time.. Your site is in my blogroll 🙂
    Good Job!

  4. whatigotsofar says:

    I don’t think I could date somebody lower than me, socially. Not that I’m high on the food chain or anything, but, at least in Canada, the lowest rung of society, most of those people are there for a reason; they can’t get themselves out because they are unwilling go rise up. I can’t be with somebody who lacks that initiative.

    But I’m an asshole, so, that’s what you’d expect to me say.

  5. Raindreamer says:

    Well it would depend on the person and how he sees the life. If he’d wanted to live posh lifestyle, I’d propably not. Yet I’d be happy to date a common worker, although I am in a white-collar job…

    I think we have plenty of hierarchies and division in our society that have very little to do with true value of personality (like honesty, commitment or intelligence) or input and much more to do with how you fit the expectations and how loud is your voice is.

    I have learned that for most people take the image and don’t bother about what is behind it.

  6. WIGSF, what about someone higher than you, socially?

    Raindreamer, of course, it also depends on how people see life in general. If you share the same true values, you can transcend the caste.

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