We all have a dark side. Nobody is perfect in this world. When it comes to relationships, this dark side can prevail on all of our qualities if it’s too invading. I remember when I was younger that everyone kept on asking me why I didn’t want to date my ex-best friend. I really loved him as a friend and a brother, and I knew him like I never knew any other man (except now the light of my life). I knew all of his qualities, but also all of his flaws. And amid those, there was an extremely unpleasant one: he collected too many porn magazines and videos. He didn’t tell me about this, but as I spent a lot of time at his home, I once discovered his private collection, and I must say I was a little bit shocked. At that time, I turned to my other male friends, especially one who never lied to me, and asked them they also had such a collection, and they replied negatively.
My ex-best friend would have been a great companion if he hadn’t had that problem. He was the one that lent me his shoulder when I had my heart broken. He was always there to help. He was handsome, intelligent, funny, we had a great connection. There was just this flaw that caused me a problem. To tell the truth, I could never recommend him to other girls because of that. And this turned out to be the cause of his many breakups with the opposite sex.
A friend of mine told me she also had this experience with her ex. “When we broke up, nobody understood why. Everyone told us we made such a perfect couple. We were madly in love. He was brilliant, successful, funny, caring, everything a woman could hope for. We got along really well, including in the bedroom. Yet, he had his demons that devoured him progressively: alcohol, and a bit of an obsession for women. It became unbearable for both of us, and after years of fights, we decided to separate” she said.
In French, we could use the term “une couille dans le potage” (which translates into a ball into the soup) for describing those invading flaws that aren’t obvious when you don’t know the person.
What would you do in such a situation? Would you hang on the relationship, trying to change his/her flaws? Or would you leave?