Among the various criteria we require from our partners, there’s one that counts more than the others, apart from love: the acceptance of our entourage. Whether we like it or not, we’re not alone in our existence. Our life is fully intertwined with our family and friends. Partners can come and go throughout our existence. Members of our family and our real friends will stay for the long run.
I know a lot of people who rely on their friends and family’s advice on their love life. It’s not like if they ask them to find the one. But they need their approval for their choice. When you think about it, it’s not a bad idea. Who knows you best than your family and friends? When we fall in love, we often yield to the irrational of limerence. We’re not really ourselves in the first months of a relationship because of that, and we can sometimes make the mistake of choosing a partner who has nothing in common with us, or worse, who can really be bad for us. Our friends and/or family can bring us to reality in this case, even if sometimes, we don’t listen to them.
Besides, our friends and family can be a good indicator of how our partner love us. “He didn’t like my parents and my sister. He thought my friends were stupid and insignificant. As a result, my family didn’t like him, my friends neither. But they didn’t tell me so. They believed I had my reasons for choosing him, even if I knew they didn’t agree with them. Each time we were invited in my family or by my friends, they would act as if he wasn’t there because he didn’t bother to be nice with them. It took me a while to understand he wasn”t for me. When we broke up, my friends and family were relieved I took that decision. I know now that the next one will have to be nice and loved by my entourage, and that they should tell me if there’s something wrong with him instead of not saying anything” G., 35, said.
When you love someone, you accept to embrace the whole aspect of his/personality. This includes friends and family. The things we love to do and the people we love define ourselves. Excluding them from the big picture of love can be a mistake.
Of course, there can be a cold war between us and our family. In that case, if your partner doesn’t get along with them, it’s understandable. But if he/she doesn’t bear your closest friends either, maybe there’s a problem.
The next time you will curse your in-laws, think about this: they’re the ones who raised and brought up the one you love. If they raised him/her properly, they have transmitted him/her a part of their values and their character. If you don’t like them, maybe you don’t like your partner so much.
So, would you tell your friend about his/her bad choice if he/she picked the wrong partner? And do you think it’s important our family and friends mind about our love life?