life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

What’s sex got to with it?

In one episode of Sex and The City, Carrie Bradshaw experienced mind-blowing sex with a jazzman she’s not in love with and who’s affected by ADHD. This left me a little bit puzzled, because I wonder how it is possible to have an orgasm with someone presenting this kind of neurological disease. One of my former editors is affected by this syndrom, and frankly, I cannot imagine him staying focused in the bedroom judging by how he’s acting in the every day life. A colleague of mine once met his wife, and he told me she looked like she hasn’t been properly fucked for a long time. “You should see her, you would agree with me. She never smiles. She looks mad at him all the time. They don’t seem to get along very well, because he can’t remain focused on her” he told me.

I don’t want to judge them, though. Maybe he’s a great lover, but he hides it very well. I’m not curious enough for wanting to investigate deeper on this topic (besides, my crush-o-meter for him is hitting the bottom, so it will be difficult).

Reaching a mind blowing orgasm isn’t that easy. According to a study from the  University of Groningen, in the Netherlands, when women have an orgasm, they have deactivation of large portions of their brains, especially the fears centers. It means that to reach an orgasm, we need to ensure that fear and stress don’t get in our way.

This is why some women can’t have an orgasm outside a comforting and long-lasting relationship, because they need to feel confident. “I can never have an orgasm with a one-night stand” says one of my friends. This is also why some women only reach mind-blowing sex after they’re married. “Now that I’m married, I feel freed from my fears of abandonment and I must say I do enjoy sex better now because of the comfort of marriage” H., said.

Sometimes, our emotions can take the best out of us, and erase our fear and stress during the sexual intercourse. This can happen because you’re overwhelmed by your feelings. It can be love, but also rage and anger. “I slept with a man I absolutely hated after we had a huge fight. I felt so inhibited during the act that I reached an orgasm I’ve never experienced before” I., 30, said. This can also happen because of the choice of our partner. “He wasn’t my type at all. But the way he looked at me just filled me with desire. He also told me I was the most beautiful and desirable woman he ever met, and this really turned me on” P., 31, said.

So, this means that we need to stimulate our brain before having sex. But I have still no explanation for the ADHD guy/ good lover.

This can be tricky. No wonder why 30% of women prefer shoe shopping…

So, what’s your trigger for a mind-blowing orgasm?


6 thoughts on “What’s sex got to with it?

  1. I dated a guy who I finally realized was ADHD due to his ways in bed. He was Mr. Switcheroo – up, over, this way, that, flip, side, top, bottom. I could never get my groove on for him changing positions constantly.

    I believe my ex-husband is ADHD as well. For him, it was boredom with sex quickly to where he didn’t really care if I finished or not. He was the same way with going on outings; he’d get bored quickly and we’d have to leave.

    Although I’m ADD, I am the opposite. I go for a long time because I can’t clear my mind enough to let loose. Like you mentioned, orgasms take a lot of trust for me to have. I’m not easy.

  2. The Last Spartan says:

    I can’t comment so much about ADHD other than to say that there should be medication to help with that.

    As for the brain and sex, I offer you an emphatic “YES”. The only “one night stand” experience I ever had was not with a total stranger but I didn’t know her very well. It was “ok” I suppose but it certainly doesn’t compare to a long-standing, loving and stable relationship.

    First off, a long-term lover really should know what works and what doesn’t work for you. Second, the feeling security is a big deal. If you’re anxious, you really can’t focus on anything for any length of time. The real key however, (and feeling safe may have something to do with it) is to get to the “uninhibited” part. That’s when great emotional and physical connections turn into great sex because there isn’t any “holding back”.

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