Recently, I had a conversation with a friend of mine about the support we can get from our partner. She told me she wished her companion was more supportive with her, because she has the impression he’s not backing her in every decision she might take. “I have started to study again since the beginning of September, because I needed that for progressing in my job. This means that I have to come back later in the evening, and sacrifice a little bit of my weekends. My studies are really hard, and I don’t know if I’m able to succeed at the end of the year. And instead of supporting me, he just complained he doesn’t see me anymore. I wish he told me that I can do it, but I know he will be there if I fail, like he did in the past. He has always been the shoulder I could cry on on the other hand” she says. “We’ve been together for seven years. He was there when my mother passed away. He was there when I got fired, and took charge of the bills the three months I got unemployed. In fact, he’s always there when I’m down, but when I succeed in something, I feel there’s nobody” she added.
I replied to her that she needs to talk about this with her man, and that I think her man might be a little possessive or jealous of her. She seemed surprised when I said that, but I told her I’m convince there can be competition within a couple. I just hope for her she can sort this problem with her man.
Some people pick their partner because they think they can save them, even dominate them. They will choose someone who’s insecure, with a low self-esteem, who will be grateful for their help and love them for that. They will be happy when you fail, because they can comfort you. But when you encounter some success in your life, they will think you’re evolving away from them. “I met O. when I just failed my freshman year at University, and I was happy at that time he was there to support me. But his support only prevailed when I was down. Later, I had the opportunity to work at a prestigious magazine, and instead of congratulating me, he just complained he won’t see me that much because I have to work from day to night without counting the hours. He pushed me to have children, at the beginning of my career, while I wasn’t sure I wanted that because it could ruin everything. He thought I would slow down and quit my job to raise our kids. I refused. He began to criticize everything I did. Nothing I did was good enough for him. I told him that if I wasn’t good enough for him, he’d better find someone who suits him best. We got trapped into a downward spiral, until i decided I had to leave. The break up was difficult, because he didn’t want to call it quits, and begged me to take him back” H., 35, said.
In a healthy relationship, I believe you should support your partner when he/she succeeds in something, whatever he/she does, and support him when he/she fails at something. This should be mutual.
Do you agree with that?