I had a lunch last week with one of my colleagues who’s really shy, and we ended up talking about our relationship with the opposite sex. At the end of the conversation, she told me she had never talked about her love life and how she has to behave with men in the game of love with her mother. She also wished she had some advices from her about that particular topic, because she could have avoided some mistakes.
I realized that most of the women I know who have a more or less healthy relationship have also a strong bond with their mother (but a non invasive type of bond, mind you). Most of my married friends admitted that they rely heavily on their mother’s advices about everything in life, including about love. I’m no exception to that, even if I don’t always listen to my mom. What was the kind of advices we received? Well, the old fashioned ones, like “let him make the first move”, “you should never run after a guy”, “he must treat you with respect”,… One of my friends says that her mom is acting with her like the police, because she can’t help asking her questions about her boyfriends. “She wants to know if he treats me well, if he doesn’t drink or do drugs, if he’s not violent, if he’s really single, how old he is, where does he come from, if he’s working, if he has a good situation, what kind of religion he follows,… This list is never ending” she says. “I had a hard time when I was younger with all my boyfriends because of her. I had the impression that no one was good enough for me. But I don’t know why, I always followed my mother’s advices and retrospectively, she was right almost all of the time about them” she adds.
Having a mother who controls everything in your life can be poisonous for your love life too. But having a mother who just don’t give a damn isn’t great either. My colleague told me that her mother wasn’t like that, but she simply didn’t talk about how she should behave with the opposite sex. “I was the only girl among my four brothers, and she raised us the same way. Period” she said. I replied to her that she shouldn’t blame too much her mother for that. She made a good job of raising five kids, and taught them good manners, judging by how my coworker acts.
Besides, we can always find elsewhere the advices we didn’t get from our family. “My BFF is like my mother, and I rely on her for my love life. If she doesn’t appreciate my man, then there’s no way the relationship can be sustainable” one of my friends says.
But it is important to have some guidance in your love life, otherwise, you can get fooled a lot in the game of love.
So, does your mother have an influence on your love life? And do you think it’s important to have a guidance?