broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

I just can’t look. It’s killing me

Getting dumped is a pill difficult to swallow for your pride. Especially if you get dumped for another person.

One of my friends recently went through this experience, and she told us how she felt disgusted by this. But at one point in the conversation,  one of my other friends had this remark. “But she’s pretty. You should feel flattered”. We all looked at each other, without saying a word. And quickly changed to another topic.

Is it flattering to be left for someone prettier, smarter, fitter than you? Personally, I’m not convinced at all. How can this perspective comfort you? I asked around me about this.

No. It’s not flattering at all. In fact, it just remind you that you’re not that pretty, that smart, that this and that, and this is why he left you for someone better than you”B., 30, said.

I must admit it’s painful to get dumped for someone better than you. But on the other hand, if you get dumped for someone uglier, more stupid, or utterly disgusting, you begin to wonder if there ‘s something wrong with you too” Y., 34, said.

It depends on how long lasted the relationship. If it’s a one -night stand, I could be flattered if he picked a woman as pretty as me. But if the bonds were deep, I couldn’t stand it”M., 35, said.

Well, as long as this bitch treats him very badly, I’m perfectly fine with this” I., 29, said.

I guess our ability to cope with a breakup also depends on how we love ourselves.

So, would you be flattered if you were dumped for someone better than you?

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Synchronicity

I read recently an interview of Eva Mendes in a magazine, where she said that she found Valentine’s Day sooo boring and that she prefers instead little secrets, romantic rendez-vous and sweet words. I must say I do agree with her on her idea of romance, especially the little secrets. Sharing those with the one you love create that special bond no one else can touch and can be part of. But what kind of secrets can we share with our lover? Not all kind of secrets.

I’ve asked around me what people say to their lover that stay only between them, and this is what I got.

“I tell him what I can’t say to anybody else. It goes from what I think about this colleague, this member of my family, this friend, … to what I did wrong. And it’s mutual. It just give us the impression we made a team against the world” I., 34, said.

The secrets we share revolve around our couple. What happens between us stays between us. No one else has to know. I don’t like to tell the others what gifts he gave to me, nor where he would take me on holiday, … This is our business, none of the others” U., 39, said.

“I don’t share many secrets with my husband. I believe secrets are a burden, and are only shared between lovers who don’t want to get caught”O., 35, said

What O. said might be true.  When you’re in an illegitimate couple,  you’ll be likely to have a lot of secrets with your lover.

On the other hand, it’s best to share your secrets with your significant other, rather than keeping those away from him. This isn’t the sign of a healthy relationship if you do so.

So, do you like secrets?

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blogging, life, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, videos, wacky, women

Odd movies

There are films with a heavy, controversial theme that can leave an unforgettable print in your head and that you know that once you have seen it, you won’t feel the same afterwards. An example?

The Night Porter

Disturbing like it’s not permitted. It still haunts me now. I don’t know what’s bothering me the most in that movie: the weird relationship between the charachters played by Charlotte Rampling and Dirk Bogarde (in fact, I’m a bit fascinated by this, that’s what bothers me), the recurring flashbacks into the Second World War,

Another one? 

Last tango in Paris

I hated it, I still hate it now.

So, what are the movies that left you an unforgettable print?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Faking it

We all have to fake it from time to time. But why do we do so?

We can fake it because we don’t want to disappoint the ones we love/we care about. Usually, lies come handy in this situation. But in this case, is it a problem? I find it particularly touching someone who accepts to eat what her/his lover has cooked even if it’s terrible and awful (and the envy of throwing up is irresistible) and lies about how it tastes. Besides, what’s the point of telling the truth here, when you know that if you say so, you will only hurt the other?

We can fake it during sex, also. Here, women are more likely to do so, but I believe this is because we’re supposed to be more diplomatic. It’s not a big deal either (unless you keep on faking your pleasure with your partner. Then, there may be a problem). Telling on the other hand that you didn’t like it to your partner is honest, but mean and castrating.

We can also fake it at work. One of my colleagues once told me that when he was a soldier (back in the day, in my country, every young male had to do his military service), he had a technique to avoid being charged with work. Basically, his plot was to pretend he was busy all the time. He said he used to carry around a bucket full of water so that everyone thought he was doing something. And it worked. Now, as you can imagine, he’s not the best worker of my newsroom.

We can also fake it with our knowledge. Some people find it personally humiliating to admit they don’t have the answer that they will try to get around it. Some will try to cut the conversation quickly, some other will try to prove you wrong. Personally, I prefer when people are honest about this, and I’m tolerant with the ones who try to abort the conversation and switch to another topic.

We can fake to be in love. One of my friends has been for three months a guy she likes, but nothing else, and she admitted to me she didn’t think her relationship will last with him because they have no common point. “But I have to say that it’s good to be in a relationship, especially that I haven’t dated anyone else for a long time. I prefer pretending to be in a couple like this that being single. It’s such a burden” she said.

Why can’t we be honest?

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blogging, broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships

Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?

…Did you get to be a star?

Thanks to F…book, I ‘ve reconnected with some old acquaintances I haven’t seen for years. Among those, there were my old classmates, and this is how you can see if you have succeeded in your life, or if you’ve stood still since high school. That’s how I learned that J. is now still pursuing his Ph.D. at University, while D., also a Ph.D, is now an expert for the WHO, and A. a judge for our national court. This also how I learned that D., the wannabe rockstar of my class circa 1994, is still a wannabe rockstar today, and hasn’t managed to keep one single job.  Then, the gossips. J. is not anymore with I. who left him for P., J.’s best friend, because she was fed up with his multiple infidelities. L. and H., who used to date when we were in high school and whom everyone thought they would end up married together sooner or later, did get married, but divorced two years late because H. decided he prefers men after all…

I must say I don’t like that much that blast from the past, and that I find it sometimes humiliating to compare your personal path with your old classmates. When I was in high school, there was already a social distinction between all of us, but also that life has sometimes decided otherwise for some paths. The ones who have a wealthy family  were more likely to make brilliant/long studies plus multiple travels to enrich their culture, but I’ve noticed that some of them tailed off. The most beautiful girls in my class are now not so beautiful anymore (sigh). The ugliest girl in the class, whom everyone bet she would be a true spinster, is now happily married.

Although it’s difficult to tell when you’re a teenager what would you become when you’ll grow up, who you are at that age will draw your future personality. I think it’s very hard to deviate from this scheme.

So, do you like to reconnect with your old classmates?

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