celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

The real thing


When it comes to love, we all have a first time that triggered/ shaped forever our future relationships. It isn’t necessarily our first time ever. Some people can multiply partners who didn’t really count into their life until they meet the big L.

This paradigm also applies for sex. We can multiply partners and sometimes find sex boring until we find the lover that will make us discover the real thing. I’ve met many people who told me it was the case. “I don’t remember at all my first sexual experience. It was boring, the guy just did his thing and then it was it. The lovers I had after him didn’t mark me either, until I met J. He was ten years older than me. When I looked at him the first time, I thought we would never make it together because I wasn’t attracted at all to him. But he managed to convince me to sleep with him, and I couldn’t imagine how great he was as a lover. He made me discover what I like and what I don’t in sex. And he marked the turning point of my sex life. I would never forget him”O., 35, said. “I had that experience with one of my dad’s friends. Before him, I used to have sex with guys of my age, who were inexperienced  like me and for some only interested in scoring the maximum partners. He was different. The affair we had remained a secret because he’s married. But he initiated me to sex like I never did before” P., 34, said. “I had many lovers before him, but he was the one who has taken me into a whole new level with sex, but also with love. That’s why we got married” L., 36, said. “I had my first experience of mind-blowing sex years after my first one. I had finally found my sexual match. It was like if he could anticipate all my needs, I’ve never known that before”M., 38, said.

Of course, you don’t experiment that with someone who has just lost his/her virginity. I also noticed that in most of the case, the person who reveals the sexual human being in you is often older/ more experimented. In Ancient Greece, there was a rite where the eldest would pick young boys to initiate them to sex. This is an extreme example, but maybe our actual experiences derive from this (in a much legal way, BTW).

So, have you ever had a lover who changed the perception you had on sex?

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4 thoughts on “The real thing

  1. Demitris says:

    Now that I think about it, it’s difficult to recall a single partner that made a significant impact on my perception of sex. Perhaps I never focused on doing the deed with older women. I mostly dated women my age or younger but experiences varied widely.

    I do however find that women in general are definitely getting more adventurous these days and are more willing to try more things than they did, say 5 years ago. As people are becoming less conservative about sex it’s a lot easier to discuss our likes & dislikes with the other person & therefore it’s easier to enjoy better quality sex.

    Ofcourse there is a flipside, we don’t need to give it all away like an open book. Discussing every single detail & getting over-analytical about our sex lives with our partners is a sure way to start killing off some of the magic. We need to retain some mystery, as this is sexy. I’m sure many will agree that some of the most interesting lovers also happen to be somewhat mysterious.

  2. Ellis I. Lee says:

    Here is a quote from a book I read last year: “It wasn’t until I went to France that I tasted bread that wasn’t full of additives and air. It was like a religious conversion for me. In fact, it’s kind of like sex—one of those things that everyone thinks they know all about and they will tell you how great it is, but which is actually pretty uninspiring until you have it one time the way nature intended it to be.”

    And when you finally do have sex the way nature intended it to be, it is like a religious conversion. And that would certainly have to change your perception about sex… and maybe even life!

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