life, love, miscellaneous, thoughts, women

Another story caught up in a photograph

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Each picture holds a story behind it, even the most insignificant one. I took this six months ago, at an exhibition. There was something spectular in the way those fatboy were hanging from the ceiling. It just caught my eye. That’s the story behind this photograph.

Sometimes, the pictures we take can endorse a heavy meaning, especially when you fall on these accidentally after years hidden spent in a closet. My grandfather passed away two years ago, and I didn’t feel anything at that time because we didn’t see each other quite often when he was alive. We lived in different continents, and  he took his distance with our family for the last 4 years of his existence. My mom and my aunts didn’t appreciate his new companion, who was way too young for him. When we learned he died, it was a shock for our family, but no one cried. His funeral was quite odd. People didn’t react at all during it.

Then, last year, my parents discovered old pictures of us, including my grandpa. There was a photograph of just me and him. I was probably 4 year-old on it. It was weird to look at it again, after so many years. I also realized that I miss him.

When I told this to my friends, one of them realized she was in the same situation with her grandpa but also the rest of her family. Since then, she has managed to reconnect with them, and spent more time with them.

The stories behind pictures can bring back sad memories. This is why some people choose to destroy these. Especially photographs of their ex’s.

So, what do you do with your old pictures?

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blogging, women

A little test

Give it a try…

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz

You Are a Jackie!

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You are a Jackie.  “I do everything the right way.”

Jackies are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.

How to Get Along with Me

* Take your share of the responsibility so I don’t end up with all the work.

* Acknowledge my achievements.

* I’m hard on myself. Reassure me that I’m fine the way I am.

* Tell me that you value my advice.

* Be fair and considerate, as I am.

* Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.

* Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.

What I Like About Being a Jackie

* Being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal

* Working hard to make the world a better place

* Having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself

* Being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do

* Being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions

* Being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people

What’s Hard About Being a Jackie

* Being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met

* Feeling burdened by too much responsibility

* Thinking that what I do is never good enough

* Not being appreciated for what I do for people

* Being upset because others aren’t trying as hard as I am

* Obsessing about what I did or what I should do

* Being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously

Jackies as Children Often

* Criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others

* Refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect

* Focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers

* Are very responsible; may assume the role of parent

* Hold back negative emotions (“good children aren’t angry”)

Jackies as Parents

* Teach their children responsibility and strong moral values

* Are consistent and fair

* Discipline firmly

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Reign of love

Francesco Alberoni explains in his book, Falling in love, that lovers aren’t jealous. We’re not supposed to get jealous because we trust our partner and we rely on him/her. Then, why can we get jealous even if we love our significant other? This would mean that we don’t really LOVE him/her, in the way Alberoni describes love.  One of my friends admits she agrees with this. She says that whenever she falls in love, she tends to get jealous of the other women, but once she’s in the relationship, her jealousy disappears. “Once I know that he’s mine, I completely trust him. But that doesn’t mean I will forgive him if he gets unfaithful” she says.

But what is jealousy? According to Wikipedia, it refers to negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity. It would mean that we’re insecure, that we don’t think we’re worth it and that the other will necessarily have his/chance of taking away our significant other. But who can be sure that her/his partner will not seek after the greener grass?  Besides, there’s always someone smarter, prettier, nicer,… than you.  I ask around me how people deal with this, and this is what they replied:

“Of course, he could leave me for someone prettier or smarter. But when you love someone, you also take the risk of losing him. Do you have to worry for that? No. Because otherwise, your life would be a living hell. I just enjoy being with him, and I don’t want jealousy to disrupt our happiness” I., 34, said.

I must say that jealousy isn’t a bad thing, because it helps you realize that your partner is not granted forever, and it spices up a little bit your relationship. But if my man was jealous, possessive and refused to let me dress like I want or see who I want to see, I would hate that” O., 35, said.

“I’m jealous, I can’t help it. But I would never rummage among his stuffs to find anything compromising, or follow him to see where he goes” N., 30, said.

So, are you jealous when you’re in love?

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Children of the revolution

In the book “Falling in love“, Francesco Alberoni explains that falling in  love is the ignition phase of a collective movement consisting in two people.  Love implies a revolution for the two people involved, and since in our lifetime, we won’t make that many revolutions, love is therefore THE experience we need to feel in our existence.

I must say that when I read that book, I hardly believed what the author said. Basically, if I summarize the book roughly, falling in love with someone tends to get contagious to your significant other who will love you back because you love him/her.  You can make someone love you by showing him/her constant attentions, by encouraging him/her and promising you will be there on the long run.  Love is not the desire of  loving someone interesting or beautiful, it’s the need to create together a new order for the society, to see the world through a new eye. The person with whom you fall in love will help you to change dramatically your everyday life, that you find  so boring. Of course, this state can be temporary, but it can last forever, if together, you manage to live an adventurous and interesting life.

Then, I thought about those couples who together were able to change the world or made a revolution when they got together. The first who came into my mind was Barack and Michelle Obama.

Before he was elected,  he said that if he hadn’t received Michelle’s blessing for running for presidency, he would never have done this. She on the other hand gave up her career to push his. So, we could say that together, they helped to change the world. Because we can’t deny that his election is a major turn for US history. Who knows if Obama would be where he is now if he hadn’t met Michelle?

Then, there’s Brangelina.

It’s not that obvious as for the Obamas, but these two seem to have find each other after years of chaos for both of them.

So, do you think love is a revolution?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The laws of attraction

Have you ever tried that game with your friends where you decide who’s hot and who’s not? Recently, we were at the restaurant with my friends, and we started to discuss about this topic. We took a glance at all the men present in the room and concluded that none of them were attractive. One was decreed “handsome, but aware of that and probably loaded with ego”. Another one was “looking way too immature”. Another one was just “dressed too hype”. Then, we switched to the public personalities. One of my friends commented on one of my professional acquaintances who has that bad habit to write on my wall on FB. He’s also appeared a lot of times in public debates. All my friends find him physically repelling, but she doesn’t agree. “He’s not that bad” she said. We just looked at her with horror. Then, we talked about the new  Secretary of the Treasury serving under the Barack Obama administration, Tim Geithner.

(NB: Timmy  (sigh) has been elected the hottest politician around by all my female coworkers)…

All my friends also agreed on this.

So, what makes someone attractive, then?  This article boils it down, but there might be another reason. Unless you don’t care at all about what people say, you will necessarily need to validate your choice. This is why we tend to get attracted to those who attract the most people. Many studies have shown this. Do you remember in high school that if you wanted to be considered cool, you had to date one of the most eligible guy/ girl, or at least try to seduce him/her? Personally, I wasn’t like that. The hottest guy in my school just left me cold. He was just vain and shallow. We had nothing in common. But many of my classmates dreamed then about dating him.

Back then, it was the popularity that made someone attractive (for the boys) and looks (for the girls). When you grow up, this doesn’t change that much.

So, do you follow the rules of attraction, or do you just let your emotions guide you when you fall in love?

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Staring at the sun

Recently, I went to a seminar where all the CEOs, politicians, and intellectuals of my country were invited. The host, who happens to be one of my acquaintances, left his chair after his speech while other CEOs were still talking, and came down to me just to say hello and have a bit of a chat. Since I know him, he has never reacted like that with me, but he had already done this kind of thing with some other journalists.  This time, I don’t know why, it was really embarrassing for me. Because all of a sudden, everyone looked at us during the speech and wondered what was going on between us. My acquaintance is well known in the public eye, and he belongs to the category of guys you just notice as soon as he walks in the room.

It was weird because a few days ago, one of my friends explained how she met her man, and her encounter looked a little bit like my experience, except there were no flirting or whatsoever between me and him. But  I could now understand better what she felt at that time,. It was during a cocktail, she was there with some colleagues and he was the guy with the big personality everyone was gathering around. At one moment, he came to her and told her how beautiful she was and asked for her business card. She told me she felt flattered, and speechless at the same time. “ I could only say thank you and give him my card, and that ‘s all. But the next day, he called me at the office and asked if we could go and have a dinner sometime, because he wanted to know me better.  And I said yes. And now, I don’t know where this relationships could go with him, because he’s not totally available, but I don’t expect anything from him. I just enjoy being with him” she said.

There’s something thrilling in this kind of situation, because you feel a little bit like the chosen one. Unfortunately, reality can really bite. In the case of my friend, it looks like she has landed a womanizer. I guess that she needed this to boost a bit her ego. I just hope for her she won’t get hurt and she won’t hope too much of such a relationship.

I asked around me if such a guy could win their heart, and this is what I got:

“No, I would run away. I’m sure he’s the kind of guy with a big ego, who only thinks about himself and thinks he ‘s doing you a favor by picking you among all the other ladies. Besides, you can be sure that he can do this with every woman he meets in a bar. So if you expect him to be faithful, well, there’s no hope” B., 30, said.

That is so cliché, so old school. It’s like he said: look, I’ve got the biggest willie in the room, and you have won the lottery with me. Who does he think he is? If in the room, there’s a man stuck at the bar because he’s shy and hasn’t got the nerves to get the girls, well, I would prefer definitely this option” I., 35, said.

Well, it depends. If it can boost your career, why not? It’s an exchange for an exchange. He uses you for you beauty, you use him for his power. I think it can be a good compromise. But you can’t expect any feeling” C., 40, said.

” I may sound naive, but what if it works between him and you? I would give it a try” P., 35, said.

So, what would you do in a situation like that?

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The greatest?

Once, I had an awkward conversation with one of my professional contacts who happens to be one of my “facebook” friends (he invited me, I couldn’t refuse). We were talking about Facebook, and he commented on my picture. I changed it a few days before our meeting, and he noticed it. He asked me why I made that change, and I told him I did it because I found a way to limit the access to my public profile. He also asked why I didn’t want my profile to be seen by everyone, and I replied that when I subscribed to FB, I had many pokes and invitations to be friends with total strangers, so I picked a picture where you can barely see me. This is when he had this surprising reaction. “Oh, nobody has ever done that with me on FB” he said. He seemed serious when he told me this, so I was pinching myself not to laugh at him.

I didn’t expect that from a guy who’s 47, married, CEO, and physically pfffff.

Then, weeks later, one of my coworkers had to assist to one of his conferences. She told me there were in the crowd people (mostly old men) who were literally  open-mouthed of admiration during his whole speech. She also said that she had the occasion to talk to them, and one replied he was trying to follow every of his speeches everywhere. In other words, my contact has groupies (except that he doesn’t fuck them- but I’m not sure :mrgreen: ). Maybe he expected to have the same halo he has in the professional world on FB. But I’ve noticed that on FB, some social barriers seem to disappear, except if you’re a real star. On FB, I’m not a journalist. One of my friends, who works for the World Health Organization and lectures around the globe, is just D. on FB, and not his profession. I told him about my contact conversation, and he said that this is the attitude of someone who can’t draw a line between his private and professional life.

It’s curious that in one sentence, you can pretty much summarize a person.

So, do you draw easily a line between your private and professional life?

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