broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Wishing well


When it comes to finding their significant other, people can adopt different approaches. Some will do everything to find it  and multiply encounters. Others will choose the “let it happen” option. Some will also stop searching after a long and thorough quest. I recently met a woman who told me she wasn’t looking especially for a man. I asked what were her motivations behind her decision, and she replied that she did search for the one, but so far, the result has always been disappointing. In fact, she admitted she had only dated “loosers” so far, and that she was a little bit frightened by her choice of men. “Maybe if he picks me, instead of me picking him like it has always been the case so far, I may be lucky the next time” she said.

I’m not sure this is a good approach. Finding the one relies heavily on chance, and I believe you have to make a lot of tests and mistakes to reach your goal. Of course, exceptions to this rule do exist. My cousin has married the first man she ever dated. They started dating when they were 13, and their love is still going strong 28 years later. Some do have the chance to find their soul mate really quickly. But we’re not all that lucky. Finding someone compatible can be a really daunting task. Firstly, we’re not all compatible. Secondly, even if you get along with someone, it doesn’t mean you will have with him/ her the right chemistry. Thirdly, you can find someone, but it won’t necessarily last.

Luckily for us, most of us evolve in a small world which can provide your significant other. When you think about it, we surround ourselves with people similar to us.  But unfortunately here, attractiveness plays a major role.  “Everyone always tells me that I could find someone at my cooking lessons, because cooking is my passion. But frankly, I’ve never found anyone there, because all the guys are either married, or they simply don’t attract me at all” F., 34, said. “I registered to a internet dating site where I had more than 60 men constantly messaging and emailing me. They had many common points with me. But when I met them in real life, the chemistry wasn’t there.  There was always something wrong about their looks or just in the way they acted. Until I met O. We didn’t click at all on our first date but we remained friends. And slowly, we began to really enjoy each other’s company.  It took us 4 years after meeting each other for the first time to start dating. We’re getting married in three months” P., 36, said.

Sometimes, destiny places you in front of your significant other. Some people don’t immediately recognize it. Some do. Sometimes, destiny doesn’t offer you that chance, so it’s up to you to find.

So, what approach would you choose?