Francesco Alberoni explains in his book, Falling in love, that lovers aren’t jealous. We’re not supposed to get jealous because we trust our partner and we rely on him/her. Then, why can we get jealous even if we love our significant other? This would mean that we don’t really LOVE him/her, in the way Alberoni describes love. One of my friends admits she agrees with this. She says that whenever she falls in love, she tends to get jealous of the other women, but once she’s in the relationship, her jealousy disappears. “Once I know that he’s mine, I completely trust him. But that doesn’t mean I will forgive him if he gets unfaithful” she says.
But what is jealousy? According to Wikipedia, it refers to negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity. It would mean that we’re insecure, that we don’t think we’re worth it and that the other will necessarily have his/chance of taking away our significant other. But who can be sure that her/his partner will not seek after the greener grass? Besides, there’s always someone smarter, prettier, nicer,… than you. I ask around me how people deal with this, and this is what they replied:
“Of course, he could leave me for someone prettier or smarter. But when you love someone, you also take the risk of losing him. Do you have to worry for that? No. Because otherwise, your life would be a living hell. I just enjoy being with him, and I don’t want jealousy to disrupt our happiness” I., 34, said.
“I must say that jealousy isn’t a bad thing, because it helps you realize that your partner is not granted forever, and it spices up a little bit your relationship. But if my man was jealous, possessive and refused to let me dress like I want or see who I want to see, I would hate that” O., 35, said.
“I’m jealous, I can’t help it. But I would never rummage among his stuffs to find anything compromising, or follow him to see where he goes” N., 30, said.
So, are you jealous when you’re in love?