Many of you have probably heard what have happened to Rihanna. I just hope for her she can keep herself away from Chris Brown right now. This sad story reminds us that we should all say stop to domestic violence when it starts. Unfortunately, the psychological vertigo we fall in just makes it hard to react like we all should. In a perfect world, nobody should raise a hand on you, and if he/she did this, you should immediately run away. We all have moments where we can’t handle our emotions and it can get uncontrollable. I do have nervous crisis from time to time, resulting from intensive stress and electric relationships with my coworkers and contacts who are as stressed than I. But generally, I try to keep my composure and let the thunder calm down by itself. If not, I just leave my desk and go for a walk or lock myself in the bathroom when I can’t control my tears of rage. I could never, never hit someone.
For a reason, some people can’t contain their anger and report it on others. Some people do have a history of violence in their family that leads them to this decision. Some don’t and just react to a situation. Reasons behind this can be multiple. But for the victim, this doesn’t mean she/he’s responsible for this.
Recently, I spent my lunch time with one co-worker I don’t have the occasion to talk to very often. She used to be married to one of our former editors, who got sacked two years ago because of his dipsomania. I asked her if she had any news about him, and she replied negatively. She added she was glad he was out of her life because he never treated her the right way. She didn’t tell me she was beaten frequently. They separated five years ago, just when I arrived in my newsroom. At that time, my coworkers told me they suspected something bad coming from him. She and I were talking about the case of one of our former colleagues, who also got sacked last year. Her story is also sad. In November, her son had the difficult task to take down her husband who hang himself in the backyard of their house. This was the final chapter of a long period of fights, verbal abuse and violence. Luckily for her, he was travelling most of the time for his job until he decided to quit two years ago. According to my colleague, this is where things got worse for them. She got constantly insulted and hit sometimes. In front of their children. And she never left. She was with him when he was rushed to the hospital. She’s still at his side now he’s recovering and numb by numerous medication. But at least, in that state, he can’t react agressively anymore.
My colleague just said that she couldn’t have stayed like she did. “There’s a moment where love stays behind all your other feelings and when lucidity eventually pushes you to leave. I guess she hasn’t reached that state yet” she said. “This has a lot to do with self-esteem. She must feel terrible right now, guilty for what happened. She shouldn’t” she added.
My ex-coworker isn’t a weak personality at all. She got fired from our newspaper because she stands for her ideas and wasn’t afraid to tell to my big boss what a jerk he is (we all think like her, but no one has the balls to confront him). I guess she entered in her couple a spiral of co-dependency. I wish for her t would stop now.
Say no to violence!