broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Love rears its ugly head

Many of you have probably heard what have happened to Rihanna. I just hope for her she can keep herself away from Chris Brown right now. This sad story reminds us that we should all say stop to domestic violence when it starts. Unfortunately, the psychological vertigo we fall in just makes it hard to react like we all should. In a perfect world, nobody should raise a hand on you, and if he/she did this, you should immediately run away. We all have moments where we can’t handle our emotions and it can get uncontrollable. I do have nervous crisis from time to time, resulting from intensive stress and electric relationships with my coworkers and contacts who are as stressed than I. But generally, I try to keep my composure and let the thunder calm down by itself. If not, I just leave my desk and go for a walk or lock myself in the bathroom when I can’t control my tears of rage. I could never, never hit someone.

For a reason, some people can’t contain their anger and report it on others. Some people do have a history of violence in their family that leads them to this decision. Some don’t and just react to a situation. Reasons behind this can be multiple. But for the victim, this doesn’t mean she/he’s responsible for this.

Recently, I spent my lunch time with one co-worker I don’t have the occasion to talk to very often. She used to be married to one of our former editors, who got sacked two years ago because of his dipsomania. I asked her if she had any news about him, and she replied negatively. She added she was glad he was out of her life because he never treated her the right way. She didn’t tell me she was beaten frequently. They separated five years ago, just when I arrived in my newsroom. At that time, my coworkers told me they suspected something bad coming from him. She and I were talking about the case of one of our former colleagues, who also got sacked last year. Her story is also sad. In November, her son had the difficult task to take down her husband who hang himself in the backyard of their house. This was the final chapter of a long period of fights, verbal abuse and violence. Luckily for her, he was travelling most of the time for his job until he decided to quit two years ago. According to my colleague, this is where things got worse for them. She got constantly insulted and hit sometimes. In front of their children. And she never left. She was with him when he was rushed to the hospital. She’s still at his side now he’s recovering and numb by numerous medication. But at least, in that state, he can’t react agressively anymore.

My colleague just said that she couldn’t have stayed like she did. “There’s a moment where love stays behind all your other feelings and when lucidity eventually pushes you to leave. I guess she hasn’t reached that state yet” she said. “This has a lot to do with self-esteem.  She must feel terrible right now, guilty for what happened. She shouldn’t” she added.

My ex-coworker isn’t a weak personality at all. She got fired from our newspaper because she stands for her ideas and wasn’t afraid to tell to my big boss what a jerk he is (we all think like her, but no one has the balls to confront him). I guess she entered in her couple a spiral of co-dependency. I wish for her t would stop now.

Say no to violence!

 

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life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

V for vendetta…

So, V Day is now over. We’re rid of this commercial happening until next year. For those who had the “chance” to celebrate Valentine’s Day, I hope you received a great gift. Recently, I was talking to my colleagues on this topic, and one of them complained he never gets it right with his wife. “The last time, I offered her a therapeutic light, and she didn’t seem thrilled about it at all” he said.  Well, personally, I won’t be thrilled either, but her wife has different tastes than I, so I can’t judge.  I replied to him that at least, he tried to please her (even if he didn’t succeed).

Once, just before V Day, I was in a supermarket for grocery shopping, when one man and his son came in my direction. They were talking, and the father was carrying a swiffer. His son asked him if his mummy will appreciate her gift for Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation. I just hoped she asked for this gift. Otherwise, if I were her, I would be offended.

What are the gifts you should never offer to your significant other on V Day (and on other occasions as well)? Well, the list can be long.  But it depends. For example, recently, one of my acquaintances received an expensive wrinkle cream (in fact, it was a basket with different products of this brand), and she couldn’t feel much happier. But the gift didn’t come from her significant other, so it can be interpreted differently. She told me she asked for it, because she couldn’t afford it herself.

But what if she didn’t expect it? And what if the wrinkle cream was just the regular one you can find everywhere? I asked around me about this, and this is what I got:

“I would be offended. I expect to receive gifts like books, travels, exhibitions but certainly not something I can buy myself, and something I’m ashamed of buying” B., 30, said.

I would ask for the receipt, and would exchange the gift as soon as I can” J., 32, said.

Besides, some gifts can be well received by some people, and offend/disappoint others. For example, you can offer chocolate to someone who hates chocolate. Or lingerie to someone who finds it totally kitsch.

So, what gift would you want to receive? And what would you hate to receive?

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humor, life, love, men, thoughts, women

If I were a boy…

… I will never let my hair grow long!

Once, with my female friends, we were talking about men and their hairstyle. We all agree on one thing: we hate long hair. One of my friends explained that she fell in love suddenly with her ex when he cut his hair. “Before, he looked like a grunge, not clean at all. When he eventually cut his hair, he became much more appealing”. Well, I can only agree with her. Let’s look at some examples.

James Morrison. With long hair, he looked a little bit messy. Judge by yourself.

 Now with shorter hair…

Much more better, isn’t it?

Another example? Caleb Followill.

Jesus is among us… Now, with shorter hair.

 

Of course, it’s a question of personal taste. I know some women who don’t care about this detail, and others who prefer men with long hair. There are also men who don’t like women with short hair…

So, what do you prefer?

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women

A tribute

Two of my coworkers just passed away. One died suddenly after suffering a seizure. The other one just gave up after months and months of battle against that crap we call cancer. Both were not that old. They were both mother. And both were respected as great journalists.

A., F., please RIP.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Wishing well

 

When it comes to finding their significant other, people can adopt different approaches. Some will do everything to find it  and multiply encounters. Others will choose the “let it happen” option. Some will also stop searching after a long and thorough quest. I recently met a woman who told me she wasn’t looking especially for a man. I asked what were her motivations behind her decision, and she replied that she did search for the one, but so far, the result has always been disappointing. In fact, she admitted she had only dated “loosers” so far, and that she was a little bit frightened by her choice of men. “Maybe if he picks me, instead of me picking him like it has always been the case so far, I may be lucky the next time” she said.

I’m not sure this is a good approach. Finding the one relies heavily on chance, and I believe you have to make a lot of tests and mistakes to reach your goal. Of course, exceptions to this rule do exist. My cousin has married the first man she ever dated. They started dating when they were 13, and their love is still going strong 28 years later. Some do have the chance to find their soul mate really quickly. But we’re not all that lucky. Finding someone compatible can be a really daunting task. Firstly, we’re not all compatible. Secondly, even if you get along with someone, it doesn’t mean you will have with him/ her the right chemistry. Thirdly, you can find someone, but it won’t necessarily last.

Luckily for us, most of us evolve in a small world which can provide your significant other. When you think about it, we surround ourselves with people similar to us.  But unfortunately here, attractiveness plays a major role.  “Everyone always tells me that I could find someone at my cooking lessons, because cooking is my passion. But frankly, I’ve never found anyone there, because all the guys are either married, or they simply don’t attract me at all” F., 34, said. “I registered to a internet dating site where I had more than 60 men constantly messaging and emailing me. They had many common points with me. But when I met them in real life, the chemistry wasn’t there.  There was always something wrong about their looks or just in the way they acted. Until I met O. We didn’t click at all on our first date but we remained friends. And slowly, we began to really enjoy each other’s company.  It took us 4 years after meeting each other for the first time to start dating. We’re getting married in three months” P., 36, said.

Sometimes, destiny places you in front of your significant other. Some people don’t immediately recognize it. Some do. Sometimes, destiny doesn’t offer you that chance, so it’s up to you to find.

So, what approach would you choose?

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