“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. ” – Buddha
We have a gift for putting ourselves into situations that make us suffer. This can only happen because we don’t love ourselves enough. Some people will search the world for their savior, and when they think they have found it, not only they end up disappointed, but also they can suffer a lot from this relationship, because their supposed savior turn out to be a manipulative person, who found in you the ideal prey. One of my friends recently admitted she made a huge mistake by letting one of her acquaintances taking too much space in her personal life. She told me that last year, after the death of her mother, she felt a little bit disoriented, and instead of sharing her feelings with her friends and family, she turned to this man who was one of her bosses, and threw herself into work. “He arrived in our company just when my mother passed away. He was immediately bossy with me, telling me what to do. And as I was a little bit lost, I just followed his orders like a little sheep. He was bossy, but nice with me. He complimented me all the time for my work. But from time to time, he was also mean with me, for no reason. I slowly realised that nothing was ever good enough for him, and he pushed me to do things that some of my colleagues described as purely moral harassment. He would phone me late in the evening for work, would ask me to call him at his house during the weekend, always for work, and would charge me with a lot of work. In the beginning, I thought he was in love with me, and doing all of this to push my career or whatever. I felt incredibly boosted by that. I slowly understood that he was just manipulating me to get what he wanted. I was doing all his job, and I got no reward for that, except his compliments. On the other hand, he got promoted thanks to that to another job, with more responsibilities, in another office. Thanks to me. I felt completely disgusted by that and I’m mad at myself for being so naive” she said. I told her that at least, she has acknowledged this, and that she should say no to it if this situation ever repeats. And I also added that the next time she feels bad, she should turn to people who really love her, instead of crooks. I know it’s not easy to talk about your feelings with your friends, but real friends are there whether you’re in a good or bad period.
She’s not naive, she just went through a difficult time in her life, and she lost a bit her self-confidence because of that. In this context, it’s easy for a manipulative personality to exploit her. The sects also work on the same mechanism. So, be careful when you feel down. And remember that only you can save yourself.