“The more complex the order of your life is, the more difficult, risky and dangerous the process of falling in love is” – Francesco Alberoni
Recently, one of my friends told me that she had to make a huge change in her life. She asked for my advice, because she felt her decision would alienate all her friends, and because she knows that I don’t judge her. I hate that. She met a year ago a man who “put a real mess” in her life as soon as he came in it. And she immediately fell in love. But she was married at that time, and so did he. “He was unconventional, brilliant, funny. He was everything I could have wished for in a man. We could talk for hours about nothing and everything. With him, I felt incredibly clever. That has never happened to me before. But he was married, and so was I“ she said. “I was torn between my love for him, and the comfort I had in my marriage and with my little son. I knew that I would cause a lot of pain to my husband and my son if I left them for another man. But I also knew that inside of me, I didn’t love my husband like I should, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the other. I did try to fight my feelings, telling me it would pass. But I was also spending more and more time with G. I was becoming addicted to him. We didn’t do anything sexual when we were together. I wouldn’t dare touching him, even if I was dying inside of me to do so” she added. “There was also a huge problem with him. He’s a unpopular CEO, who irritated everyone I know. Choosing him would have caused a scandal. All my friends, except you, didn’t see that well the fact we were spending so much time together. So, with the pressure, I decided to stay away from him. But I felt really miserable. And I heard he was devastated not to see me again“.
I simply asked her if she had considered why she was shying away from her husband and why she couldn’t be satisfied with him anymore. She told me she realized she married for the wrong reasons, and saw no common points with him anymore. “We don’t want the same things from life. Apart from our kids, I feel there’s no project we could do together” she said. I replied that she should really think about what she was doing. And I didn’t see her for weeks after that.
Then, what should have happened between them happened. My friend didn’t want to do the classical mistress- lover scenario, and humiliate her husband by cheating on him. So she quit. It took him two months to do the same with his wife. As anticipated, some of her friends don’t talk to her. And she feels a little bit ashamed of her decision because she gets insulted for “stealing a married man“. But she’s happy. That’s what she told me. I just replied that if she’s happy, I’m happy for her then. And that at least, she was true to herself. Not anyone can say that, these days.
So, is it important to stay true to ourselves?