Recently, I went to lunch with a friend of mine, who has some troubles in her love life right now. She’s in a strange relationship with a man who’s obviously emotionally unavailable, and this drives her crazy. “It’s like a rollercoaster of emotions with him. He can make me so happy, but then after, he can act totally detached from me. I don’t know on what foot to stand with him. It’s like a Scottish shower. Hot at the beginning, then cold as hell” she said.
She told me that since she knows him, he has always reacted like that. “We started to date after he declared his flame to me. But not immediately after. It was touching. He said I was the best thing that happened to him since he was born. He told me I was beautiful, witty and funny. He even bought me flowers for that. I didn’t know what to say. I just thanked him, and ran away. I was mortified, I didn’t know what to say. He’s the kind of men who’s way out of my league, brilliant, cultivated, charming, with a je-ne-sais-quoi that is just magnetic. Next to him, I just feel stupid. I couldn’t believe a man like that could be interested in an ordinary girl like me. It took me two days to get my act together and told him how I felt about him. He thanked me, coldly. Then disappeared for a whole week. I was petrified. I thought it was my fault. Then, I asked him what the hell he was doing with me, and he admitted he was afraid, and hold me in his arms” she said.
Her pain only began from that point. After three weeks of dating, my friend thought already she had found the one, but she had to disillusion shortly after. “Once, I was in a bar with some friends, when we spotted him outside with a girl under his arm, who was obviously not me. I stormed out of the bar to have an explanation, and he looked at me as if he was sorry, but walked away with her without any explanation. I was devastated. Then, he called me to ask me what was the problem, that we never mentioned the fact we should date exclusively with each other. I went ballistic and told him that it was obvious for me from the start he was the only man I could date. He promised me to ditch the other girl” she said.
Then, after six months spent together, she realized she hasn’t been presented to his friends. And she discovered he didn’t mention her even once to them. She also never met his parents. And at work, he was considered as a bachelor. He didn’t tell anyone he was seeing her.
It’s been three years that they’ve been together now, and there’s no sign he’s changing. I asked her why she can’t leave him, and she replied that she had tried several times to break up with him, but everytime, they would end up rekindling their romance. “It’s like a drug. When I’m with him, I feel absolutely high. And when he’s not there, I feel like a junkie. Each time I break up with him because I can’t stand his detached ways with me, I feel miserable, like I’m dead or something like that. I can’t live without him. But with him, I feel like I’m dying slowly” she said.
I just told her that if she wants to talk more about it, I was there. But I also advised her to seek professional help. I’ve never seen her so angry, desperate all the time. She’s not like that.
Those kind of relationships aren’t good for your health. Love is not about that.
So, have you ever been trapped in such a relationship? And how did you get out of it? How do you cope with it?