broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Overcoming our fears


Perfect love casts out our fears. But unfortunately, you cannot reach perfect love with a human being. For those of you who believe in God, you would agree that this feeling is  far more reachable with a divinity that is only love and forgiveness, than with your significant other, who’s much more than that.  As human beings, we’re not perfect. We’re not able to give only love and forgiveness. Other feelings get in the way, all of the time.

Yet,  our significant other can help us drive out our fears. Even if it can’t be permanent. In psychology, Boris Cyrulnik calls it “the resilience tutor“. In literature, this term refers to the soul mate. In both cases, this special person can’t necessarily be our lover. It can also be a teacher, a friend,  a member of your family, or in other words, someone who believes in you and will give you the keys to search beyond yourself.  You will recognize him/her because in you, you will feel an awakening.

Our lover can also cause such a feeling. In fact, as Francesco Alberoni describes it in his book “Falling in love“, love causes an awakening in you. And what do you do when you fall in love? Most of my friends admitted that in the first months of their relationship, they felt extraordinary, able to accomplish things they thought they could never do. “When I met M., I haven’t talked to my family for years. I left them ten years ago after a huge mistake, and I never took the initiative to ask for forgiveness because I was too afraid to get rejected for good. M. helped me to reconnect with them. He didn’t ask me to do that. But I felt so full of love at the beginning of our relationship that all my fears seem to have disappeared” one of my friends said. “I was really shy, I thought I was stupid, until I met B. I couldn’t believe in the beginning a guy like him could be interested in a girl like me, but he helped me to understand who I am. And slowly, I became less shy. I could talk in public, talk in a group of people I don’t know, and I progressively gained confidence  in myself” another one said. “Oh, I don’t know if I’m fearless now that I’ve met J. But I know I’m becoming a better person. I just feel it. I can’t explain it” another one said.

Unfortunately, when you accept to let love urge you to take its guidance, you won’t lose all of your fears. There is one that will always be there: the fear of losing/ disappointing our significant other. We’re not perfect. He/she’s not perfect either. Plus, we’re not eternal. Besides, he/she’s not you. He/she may have a totally different reaction from you regarding things you have done wrong. An example? Go and crash the car and you will see. Fortunately, as the relationship evolves with time, you tend to know him/her better, and can anticipate his/her reactions. But not all of them.

This aspect of losing the other is very present at the beginning of a relationship. But that’s what makes the first months of it so special. Personally, I do prefer when we get to know each other more thoroughly as the passion vanishes.

So, does love drive out your fears? And what stage in a relationship do you prefer? The early months?

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