Once, I went to a wedding ceremony where I had to seat next to two couples, who looked strikingly similar. One couple was blonde, tall, with big smile, while the other was brown, small, with a mischievous smile. When I looked at them thoroughly, I would have sworn they were brothers and sisters, except they weren’t. In psychology, this phenomenon is called the self reflecting like. Our narcissism pushes us to pick a partner who shows the same physical characteristics than we. If not, we tend to pick a partner who shares our opinions, thoughts, visions on life, interests,… in other words, someone who is close to us. But we would always go for someone who shares some common points with us. The same goes with our friends. We choose our friends because we have something in common with them. For example, I tend to go spontaneously for intelligent and cultivated people. I also attract this kind of people. Shallow people make me run away, and they think I’m just a brainiac.
But when I asked people around me what they look for in a partner, most of them tell me they don’t search for someone who looks like them. They just prefer people who share some common interests.
“Geez, I couldn’t date someone who looks like me. It would be like dating my brother. But I do admit I look for some common interests in a man” P., 34, said.
“Oh, I can’t tell if I look for a doppelganger. I do like tall and dark men, and I’m tall and brunette. I also do search for someone who’s smart and funny, someone who would understand my particular sense of humor” O., 35, said.
“No, not at all. I like to widen my interests. I look for a strong, tall, rich and funny man. I’m the opposite. I also search for someone who would mesmerize me. He can come from a totally different background from me. In fact, this would melt my heart. I couldn’t date someone who’s just like me” R., 30, said.
So, do you look for someone who’s similar to you?