How important is it to feel special in a relationship, or even at the flirting period before the relationship? Recently, I had a discussion with some of my friends about this topic. One of my friends explained she met a guy in a bar, and immediately flashed on him. The problem was he wasn’t particularly keen to notice her, and ignored her superbly before leaving the room with one of the waitress. My friend tried to catch his attention, by sitting close to him, laughing out loud and shaking her hair, but he didn’t react at all. Worse, he tried to flirt with several women who came next to him. My friend said she felt completely invisible, and that she felt a little bit hurt in her ego by this. Especially that, after some thoughts, she realized the guy wasn’t that handsome. But she admitted she was feeling a little low at that time, and that testing her power of seduction is one way for her to win back some self-confidence.
When this rejection happens in the mating period, your ego can easily survive to this. Unless you get rejected all of the time. But I really believe you can always find a public to flirt with, it’s just a question of evaluating your league. When it happens during the beginning of a relationship, I think it can be more hurtful. One of my acquaintances dated a man for several days until she discovered with horror that she wasn’t the only woman he was seeing. ” I felt like I was one among the others, I felt really hurt” she said.
But why does it matter so much, to feel so special, unique? Some people told me they don’t care about being one among the others. “If I really like the guy, and just want to have some fun with him, I don’t care if he’s seeing another woman” P., 34, said. It may depend on your expectation in a relationship. If you’re only there to have sex or some good time, you probably won’t really care if there are other people involved in your relationship. But if you’re in love, this little detail may have its importance. “I met I. at a party, and we started dating. He was so funny and so handsome, I was really falling for him. But he was seeing other women as well. I discovered this after two weeks, when he introduced me to one of his friends. His mate asked him if I was Laura, the woman soooo special and marvelous I. was seeing right now. My name is Helen. I felt pissed, because I realized not only he was seeing other women, but also I wasn’t soooo special and marvelous, compared to Laura” Helen said.
K. told me her story where this special aspect has its importance.”I knew he was married and a womanizer, but I yielded to his advances because he treated me differently. We had our own codes, our rules, I wouldn’t have wanted in another way. I felt I was his number one mistress, it was great” she said.
But I wonder, is it the illusion of feeling special we’re after, or really the feeling itself?