broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Scars that never heal

Scars from the past are hard to erase, and if you haven’t healed them properly, you can only come back to those painful situations each time you face a new problem. When we are young, we cannot imagine how certain acts/ words can have such a powerful impact on our future. These can also highly influence our love life. When you’d been told repeatedly you were fat and ugly as a kid, chances are your confidence as an adult won’t be that great, and that you will try your best  to prove that no, you’re not that fat and ugly. “When I was a little kid, I wasn’t pretty at all. I had spectacles, dental wire, orthopedic booths, and was fat. All the boys and girls of my class made fun of me all of the time because of that. As I grew old, I have replaced my spectacles by lenses, I don’t have dental wire anymore and I shed all that baby fat. I know I’m not ugly, but if someone tells me I am, I immediately run back in my head to my childhood, and this makes me cry. Luckily, I have proven to myself I am not by collecting lovers, and this has helped me to forget a little bit my childhood” I.,said.

What a group of people say to us when we were kids can influence a lot our future. But one single person has also that power. “J. was my best friend, I consider him as my brother. I thought we would never separate from each other, but when we finished High School and about to enter College, we had a huge fight with each other. He said I was stupid, and that I could never finish College. I was hurt. I never thought he could say that to me. I didn’t reply, left, and promised to myself I would never see him again. Inside of me, I was devastated. I was frightened by being left alone in a new city, with total strangers. I lost my whole Freshman year because I didn’t have any confidence in me. But then, I recover, and promise to myself I would never be treated as a stupid person anymore. I succeeded with magna cum laude in College, and hit a great career of lawyer. I take pleasure of teasing people about their knowledge, but if someone tells me I’m not that smart, it’s like my world collapse. I can hear my best friend’s voice resonating in my head. But with time, this seems to fade away” O., 34, said.

If we manage to overcome those scars, this is how we can get ourselves out quickly of painful situations. But sometimes, life can become a real bitch with you. “I had a huge fight with my best friend when I was 18.  We used to date other people when we were teenagers, but always come back to each other when it was over with the other. It was our way of healing from our failed relationship. But at 17, I dated a guy I was madly in love with and he treated me really badly. When it was over, my best friend could do nothing to cheer me up.  One night, after we got heavily drunk, he kissed me. I was petrified, I told him I couldn’t date anyone for the moment. I dated one week later another friend of mine, while he dated another friend of us. He took his distance from me at that time, until one day, when we were about to pass our last exam, he said that he wished I could failed because I was stupid. I failed. I switched to another College where I succeeded, but all of my classmates made fun of me because they said I was a brainiac. I was alone all of the time. I was ashamed of being who I am. I was convinced I was not that clever, and not that beautiful because I was different from the others. It took me years of therapy to get out of this” J., 30, said.

The key is to avoid getting trapped in our emotions. It’s easy to give up in such situations. Just remember this is how you can pass by your life.

So, are there scars you never lose?


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