Once, we were discussing with my friends about the friendship we can have with the opposite sex. One of my friends says she considers her best friend as a brother, and that nothing could ever happen between them because of that. But the problem is the first time she met him, it was at a bar, and he tried to score with her. Nothing happened that night as she recalls, although they ended up making out in her apartment, but stopped almost immediately because they realized something wasn’t right. They decided to remain friends after this, and they have stuck to their vows ever since. As she’s still single, some of my friends asked her why she wouldn’t reconsider starting something with him, but she replied that it was impossible. “It would be like dating my brother, I can’t do that” she said. However, another friend of mine thought that their bond can evolve into a real relationship. “After all, if he was attracted to you at the beginning, but never had what he wanted from you, he could really make a come back. Feelings that weren’t satisfied in the past can always resurface sometime” she said. My other friend wasn’t convinced at all. I’m not so sure.
I really think it depends on hidden feelings. Another friend of mine told me she had once an “accident” with her best friend, but when they got undressed, they burst into laugh and decided not to pursue anything sexual. “C. and I are inseparable from each other. We know each other from kindergarden, and we never tried anything together until last year. He’s the shoulder I can cry on when my relationships fail, and I also console him. Last year, after another breakup that left me devastated, I wondered if it could work with C. We used to have a drink every friday evening after going out to the theater, and I took this opportunity to take a hit on him. I drank to give me courage to do so, and after the drink, we got back to his apartment, where I held him against the wall and kissed him. He seemed surprised, but replied to my kiss, and we ended up taking our clothes off on the couch, when suddenly, we looked at each other, and realized we couldn’t do that. It was too weird. I realized I love him as a friend, a brother, and nothing more. And I’m fine with it. I just needed to have a confirmation on that” she said.
In her case, it was clear there were no hidden feelings. But not every friendship is based on this sincere principle. Besides, some women need to be friend with their man before considering taking their bond to the next level. It’s my case.
When there are hidden feelings involved in a friendship, this friendship is a) not so strong b) not sincere c) about to evolve into something else. Like my friend says, there will be a time when hidden feelings resurface. The outcome of this can be happy, but it can also be disappointing. I lost my best friend like that. He told me what he felt for me, but I was just recovering from a breakup at that time. I pushed him away. He didn’t appreciate at all, and we took our distance from each other.
So, do you love secretly one of your friends?