… Just a little bit
Recently, I had a huge fight with – again- one of my professional contacts, who happens to get on my nerves all of the time. Since I know him, we’ve always had arguments. But this time, it was a little bit different. He called me because he was mad at me for writing an article not so kind about his company, and threatened me to blacklist me if I kept on writing such sensationalist articles like that. I replied that my article was biased because no one in his company dared to answer my questions. Then I told him that I didn’t know who to call, because it was such a technical problem, and I was sure he wasn’t able to answer the questions. He paused, then admitted I was right, and hung up. One hour later, he called me back, and asked me if everything was OK between us. He added that he didn’t want to lose our kindly relationship. It left me speechless.
Three days later, I met one of my coworkers who knows him very well. He said that I was just a bitch, and that no one has ever dared to talk to him like that. So, yes, I’m a bitch. But I’m proud of it. I don’t like to be humiliated. And with him, honestly, I’m really tired of fighting all the time. I don’t like to fight. It’s not good for my karma.
This makes me think: do we have to go toe to toe with our lover?
One of my friends says yes. “H. loves me because he says I’m the only woman who manages to go toe to toe with him. Before me, no one has ever had the guts to do so, because he’s such a pain in the ass, as he says”. My friend is just responding to him whenever he pulls a temper tantrum or attacks her because he’s angry. And she says that by just doing this, very calm, she manages to bring down the tension very rapidly between them. I guess they’re a bit the yin and the yang to each other.
I think it’s important not to lose yourself in a relationship and stands for what you believe. It’s not because you’re honest and frank that your lover would run away. If he/she does, then, he/she’s simply not for you. But there’s a thin line between standing against him in an argument or just go toe to toe with his charachter, and castrate him. Words can do deep damages in a relationship. A little bit of diplomacy is sometimes more helpful to bring down the tensions than harsh words like “you’re such a loser” or “I’d rather sleep with the first man I see in the street than you. You disgust me”. These words can ruin forever your relationship. Bear that in mind.
So, how do you make yourself respected in a relationship?