broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

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… There are no second chances

When we fall in love, whether we’re conscious of it or not, we put our lover/ object of affection to the test. This is important for the fate of the relationship. If our lover failed these tests, we might take the conclusion that he/she’s not good for us and call it quits. But with our emotional past, we tend to be more cautious when we fall in love, and we multiply the tests for our lover. One of the most common ones is our expectations about how he/she will react. One of my friends told me she wished her ex was more kind with her, and that he never acted with her the way she expected. This represented for her a source of fights, and lead her to a break up.

Of course, choosing a partner who has many common points with us can ease our task. But if he/she doesn’t reciprocate our love, this is just useless. Some people might also fail the tests, yet, for a reason, we hang on this relationship, a one-sided relationship.  

The tests can be really hard to succeed, if it brings to a dilemma. For example, if we fall in love with someone who lives abroad, we will ask her/ him to make a move near us. She/he can also ask us to move to her/his country. This is a big sacrifice. We might also ask our lover to leave his/her partner if he/she’s already involved in a relationship or married.

A really obvious test is fidelity. When we fall in love, we expect our partner to be faithful. If  he/she can’t be faithful, most of us will see in this the point of no return in a relationship.

Then, there are the more subtle tests. And here, it really depends on our personal values. For some people, the family gauntlet is one experience to pass, otherwise, it will never do. But for some other, especially if you don’ t talk to your family anymore, this detail isn’t so important. Likewise, we would expect our lover to pass the ‘friends” test. But if we don’t have any friend, this isn’t important.  We would also test our lover to see if he/she shares the same values than us. But here, it depends on our tolerance. For instance, if you’re vegetarian, you can ask your partner to be vegetarian, but yet, some veggies don’t care dating a meat eater.

But testing your lover is important. This is how you can avoid getting really hurt in a relationship, even if love hurts, when you’re really in love.

So, do you test your partner?

 

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