love, thoughts, wacky, women

Off for two weeks

So, I’m leaving for the South of France for two weeks, in a special place I wanted to visit after a very exhausting year, physically and emotionally speaking. If you want me to develop a particular topic or want to tell your personal experience on this blog when I get back, feel free to leave me an email, or leave a comment. And don’t forget, love is not about suffering. Say no to codependency.

And OMG, I can’t believe this movie is already 16 year old.

celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Cruel summer


Summer is about to begin, and with the season, summer flings will come along too. Some of us have experienced this when we were teenagers. It was the parenthesis of our school year, the souvenir we would bring from our vacation. The object of our summer love was a local, or someone who spent his/her holidays in the same resort than us, and most of these relationships were meant to fail. But it can happen that these would pass the summer test. I guess it depends on a lot of factors.

When I ask around me what people hoped from their summer love, some of them tell me that they just go with the flow and just forget themselves during that short period. “It’s like my personality, who I am, is on holiday too. I try not to think about anything, not to worry about anything. And I know that if I find someone during this period, I would just let my emotions guide me, but I don’t attach myself to that relationship. It’s like I’m someone else. It’s magical. But I know it won’t last, because I have to go back to reality”  F., 24, said. “Oh, it’s a quick way to win back some self confidence. And I don’t care who I seduce, as long as he’s not mean. I don’t try to make it last two. Usually, if it happens at the end of the holidays, it’s better. I know that I have a few chances to break up because time is running out. So, it leaves me with two or three days where I just enjoy the other’s company. And then, it’s back to normal”M., 25, said.

Some people use the summer to test their power of seduction too. And they will try to score with the most eligible bachelor in the holiday resort, aka the hot waiter, lifesaver, or local playboy. But they will have competition. Sometimes, a lot of it. When the hottie yields to your advance, you feel empowered. But if you’re not, the pill can be difficult to swallow. This kind of relationship is meant to fail.

The relationship that can pass the summer test is based on a mutual recognition. I believe you can meet your significant other during the summer, during your holiday. If you realize you have a lot of common points, you are both available, attracted to each other, it can work. But we hardly act like ourselves during our holidays, so this can be pretty difficult.

So, do you think a summer fling can last?

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Frozen in motion

Among the people we will meet throughout our life, there are some who will stay with us on the short run, and some on the long run. True friends and family stay on the long run, acquaintances and lovers stay on the short run.  But what if we decide to change that course of life? Recently, I talked with one of my coworkers, who told me she married her husband while they both knew  from the beginning he won’t be at her side much of the time. His job sends him everywhere and he’s never there. She complains about this all of the time. It’s been five years they are married, and frankly, I’m not sure this union will last if things remain like that. She knew he won’t be available for her, she also knew he was just passing by in her life, but yet, she decided to make everything possible to change destiny. And I wonder if it’s worth it.

When I was 18, I was in love with one of my friends, but we were both at the crossroad of our life, and we weren’t sure if we would stay in the same city where we have grown together. Our path was unclear. And, call it feminin intuition, I knew we would lose each other and take our distance. I feared that moment, and because I was afraid to lose him, I just hold onto him and didn’t want him to leave me. Our relationship was a true catastrophe. I was very hurt at the end of the relationship. And I was mad at myself to think I could have changed the course of our life. We were meant to be separated, I didn’t understand that.

Destiny is a powerful force our desire can never overcome. But yet, we cannot let our life decide instead of us. This is how we can miss our life.

So, do you think we can change the course of our life?

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

I’m on fire

I’ve got a bad desire

I was reading recently a magazine where it said that it’s important to masturbate to have a blooming sexual life. This left me a little bit puzzled, since I know around me plenty of women who don’t masturbate a lot, even not at all, and yet feel fully satisfied with their sexual life (and they said that very honestly).  I do belong to this category too. The article said it was important to see yourself in an erotic scene, and that masturbation was a good way to reach that state. I’m not sure. Maybe if you’re a very liberal person, masturbation is the cherry on top of your cake. But when you’re not, how do you reach a satisfying sexual life? The answer is simple: either you don’t have one, either you just rely on your partner to feel desirable.

“Well, I have a really satisfying sexual life, but I don’t touch myself, and I don’t use any sextoy either. Does it make me a terrible lover? I don’t think so. I think it’s BS. What’s important to me is to feel my man’s desire” R., 34, said.

“My man has helped me to feel desirable. He knows how to touch me. He just showed me how to discover my pleasure. But I must say I prefer coming with him than without him”E., 35, said.

“I’m a very cerebral person. My sexual life is also based on that. I need to feel intellectually stimulate to reach an orgasm. Masturbation isn’t a thing for me. But to hear him saying some special words, to see him in some particular circumstances, in particular scenarios, where he can surprise me, that is really turning me on” L., 34, said.

I need to see myself in his eyes to feel desirable. This is my way”  H, 30, said.

So, do you think masturbation is important for your sex life?

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, sex, thoughts, women

Blinding lights

Everytime I think of you, I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue…

How far can we go to seduce the one we fancy? I was reading this morning in a magazine the story of a woman who fell in love with her father’s best friend when she was 12. She decided at that time to turn into the woman he would love, which mean embracing his interests. He was into archeology. She turned into an archeologist. He liked women’s body. She took dance lessons to shape her body. Yet, it took her 20 years to reach her goal. Before, she had several lovers, but none of them could challenge her father’s friend. Decisions like that can be good because she managed to have her own life before getting him.  She managed to adjust her desire with her personal path, and find an equilibrium. But it’s not always the case.

Some people change completely their whole personality to seduce the one they love. But this is we can really lose ourselves. We all have our own tastes, own ideas, own personality. It’s important to stick to those. Yet, when we fall in love, we accept to lose ourselves in the relationship. In the first months of a relationship, none of us is really ourselves because we feel only love. But as time goes by, reality comes back into the equation, and this is where the lovers have to discover each other, and learn to live with each other. Here, tensions can appear, because we’re different. But some people feel the need to mimick their partners because they are afraid to lose them. I knew a girl when I was in High school who turned into a punk when she dated a punk, posh when she dated a wealthy guy, tomboy when she dated a guy who hated the too feminin girls in the school, … The list was never ending. I just hope now she’s not following the same path in her love life.

Yet, it’s true that we all change a bit when we fall in love. Recently, one of my friends who used to be shy and introverted in public has changed because she fell in love with someone. He didn’t ask her to change, but she told me she felt she needed to change. “It’s like he’s helping me silently to discover myself a little bit more. I feel encouraged by him to do so. He didn’t ask me to do so” she saidShe added that she wanted to change, before she met him. He just gave the courage to do so.

The key is to find an equilibrium.

So, what sacrifice would you accept to make if you’re in love?

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

To wish for impossible things

We all want things we know we can never have. When we were kids, we had tons of desire our parents were (fortunately) unable to fulfill, like for instance a pony or tons of candies all of the time. Of course, some of us had that chance when they were kids, but is this making us more happy?  I’m not sure. The more we have, the less we’re able to appreciate what we have.  As we grow old, we don’t take our distance with that logic. In fact, we will still long for things we can’t have and get bored easily with what we have. In love, it’s the same. We will long for people that are still strangers to us, while sometimes, the person we share a relationship will bore us to the maximum. I guess it’s a question of keeping the flame of love alive.

But what if we want someone we know we can never have? The first solution is to make yourself a reason and move on. The second is to try to have him/her at any cost. But is this worth the sacrifice?  Recently, one of my friends admitted she has fallen in love with a man she knows she could never have. She’s married, he’s married. They don’t come from the same social background at all. They don’t have a lot of common points.  He’s much more older than her. And she will have to sacrifice her career if she ever wants to be with him. On top of that (and that’s the key point), he’s not into her at all.  So, all in all, this makes a long list of hurdles. And the question is: is it really worth it longing for a guy who will never ever be hers?  Here, it depends on our charachter. If we were spoiled as a kid, chances are we will do anything to reach our goal, with the consequences it would bring. But if we weren’t, chances are we will give up after some time. Every feeling needs a solid ground to blossom. If not, it will die by itself. We can’t be delusional for a long time. Reality will always remind us of its existence.

The best way to illustrate this is when you fall in love with a star. For example, George Clooney. Unless you’re a hot  young waitress working in Hollywood (and you will have competition), you know (like most of us) you will never have the chance to date him.  I know that I will never have MJK :mrgreen: The reasons are: he’s married, he’s a star, he’s much older than me, and on top of that, he doesn’t have a clue about my existence.

Some people are way out of our league. That’s just the way it is.

So, who do you fancy (and you know you will never have)?

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Light up the stage

 I’ve always wondered the fascination we can have for people who shine on stage. When I was a little rat of the opera, I remember the lead dancer who was hit by grace and really shine through her performance. After the show, when she got back to her room, she was waited for with tons of flowers coming from admirers everywhere. I really do believe that people who are able to shine like that are much more lucky in love. Their ability to shine makes them unique, hence desirable. When we fall in love, we fall in love with one person we think unique, wonderful, heaven sent. So, when you’re a star, a politician, an economist, even a simple teacher, you have a better chance to make someone fall in love with you. The key is to be the star in your world. You don’t have necessarily to be Scarlett Johansson to have men crawling at your feet. You don’t have to be George Clooney either.

One of my coworkers told me he fell in love with his wife when he saw her the first time on the stage of an opera. She was the lead soprano, and he said that he knew she was the one straight away just by looking at her. In her case, it was easy to shine, to be a star. But how can we be a star in our own life?

I guess it depends on several factors. The first one is beauty. When you look like this, you have a better chance to have people crawling at your feet.

The second factor is personality. If you’re a person great to spend some time with, you will have a better chance to qualify as eligible. But you can be funny, yet repelling, if you only think about yourself.

The third one is your particular talent. One of my friends seduced her man with her writings. He was a fan of her for many years. And she has a lot of fans.

But don’t forget, we’re always special to someone. The key is to find that someone.

So,  what is your talent?