celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Who’s the boss?

In every couple, there’s someone who dominates the other. But it’s not necessarily the one who seems to dominate the other. An example? One couple I know used to have Mister taking all the decision where Madam was just standing behind him, and agreed to everything he wanted. We all thought he was the one who dominated the couple, and would be the first to leave the couple, but it turned out differently. After seven years spent together, the woman decided to leave because she had enough of his controlling ways, and he was the one who was devastated by the breakup.

Another ex-couple I knew was also based on the same dynamic, except the woman was very active outside their marriage. She was the one in charge of various charity activities and did her job very professionally. But when she was at home with her husband, she would let him take all the decisions.  One of my coworkers, who is an excellent journalist, told me that she doesn’t do anything at home because her husband takes charge of everything. “It’s not that I’m spineless or something like that, but after a long day at work, where I have to take a lot of decisions, it’s good to say that I don’t have to think about this and that at home, so I leave him the decisions. That doesn’t mean I agree to everything. I have something to say about the holidays we take, the furnitures we have to buy, the washing machine to replace,…” she said. In this case, we would ask who dominates the other. The line isn’t clear anymore. Especially nowadays, where women have won their independence.

Some women will therefore dominate their significant other. A former colleague of mine asked her husband to marry her, she didn’t wait for his proposal. She takes every decision in her couple, and her husband just obeys her all of the time. She’s like a mother to him. He’s the third kid in the house.

But some women will choose to let their partner take all the decisions, because it’s convenient for them. Some other will choose to split the decisions 50-50.  There’s no bad combination, it just depends on our personality. If you’re bossy, you will never accept to yield to your partner. But that’s not sure. Remember that when we fall in love, we accept to release all our brakes. Loving someone is also trusting him enough to give up yourself.

Besides, every dominant personality needs a victim to feed his domination, and this relationship creates a dependence between the two.

So, are you the one who dominates in your couple?