Can we get totally disgusted with the dating game? One of my friends is currently fed up with her multiple failures with the opposite sex, and she told me that she won’t date any man for a long time. “It’s hopeless. I have enough of falling in love with the wrong guy. Why do I never gain? I always end up as the fool in the story. I don’t know if I’m able to trust a guy again after F.” she said. F., her last boyfriend, was a true asshole. We all warned her about him, but she didn’t listen. He didn’t treat her the right way, was very mean and macho with her. He always criticized her in front of everyone, including her friends. He was also jealous and hated all her male friends. But that didn’t stop him flirting with other women, including her friends. He also cheated on her. Numerous times. She only found out about this recently, hence the break up. But this really took a toll on her. “I’ve done them all. The macho, the afraid of commitment, the married guy, the guy who wants to marry you for his green card, the cheater,..” she said. I replied to her that at least, she had never dated a manipulative or violent man or that she had the lucidity to leave before it could get really nasty for her. Not everyone can do the same, unfortunately. But it didn’t cheer her up. “Maybe it’s me. Maybe I want too much “ she said.
It’s clear that her last relationship made her lose her confidence. But I’m sure that she will be back in the game. She has to. That is said, in French, we have a proverb that says “Chat échaudé craint l’eau chaude“, which translates into “a cat boiled once would fear hot water“. Once we have shed too many tears, hurt too much, fought too much and got betrayed, we can get afraid to get fooled again. In this case, time again is our most precious allies. We just need time to forget, and forgive. It’s the only way to move on. During that time, it’s important to focus on ourselves, but on the good part of ourselves, instead of ruminating our bad feelings. Another friend of mine just ended her three years relationship with a guy who barely respected her. After one month of mourning, she decided she would spend her free time in something useful. So, she volunteered to read stories to children in a hospital. And she told me that she begins to feel lighter again. I think she has reason to do so.
We all have our own recipe to feel good about ourselves. We shouldn’t forget about that when we have our heart broken. Again, the pain we can get from a broken heart can be translate into something positive, something creative.
Besides, if we don’t move on, this is how we can miss the great encounter of our life.
So, do you think it’s possible to get totally disgusted by love?