broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

A good dad


I had once a long conversation with some of my friends about pregnancy. One of my friends just learned she got pregnant, but she has just begun her relationship with her man. And she wasn’t convinced at all she met the right guy. She told us he was far from the man she always dreamed of. But yet, when she got pregnant, instead of running away, her man just stood by her side, and promised her to do his best to raise the kid. We all told her to keep him. They are still together right now.  But one of my other friends felt a bit shocked by the news at the time, and told her how the hell she could get pregnant so quickly with a man she wasn’t in love with (my friend is a desperate romantic), and asked her what was she thinking. I  just tried to calm the conversation and explained that in my office, two of my fellow coworkers have children, but don’t live with the father. One of them got rid of the father because they kept on fighting on how to raise the child (among other things). There was a time in our newsroom when she always shouted while she was talking with him on the phone. And one day, she announced to us that she was leaving him, because she had enough. Since then, she got married, and got pregnant again. The other one has three children, all coming from different fathers, and lives with neither of them.

I don’t think there’s still a classical pattern to have a kid. Personally, I always thought that I would carry the child of the one I love, no matter if I’m married or not with him, and that I could tell to my kid when he/she will be older that he was the result of her/his mom’s greatest love. But I wouldn’t consider getting pregnant with a guy I feel nothing for. Some women do get pregnant with the man they love. Some don’t.

I met once a woman who told me she wanted to get pregnant, but didn’t care at all who will be the father. She went to a holiday resort where she picked three different guys, hoping she would get knock up, and she reached her goal. She’s now bringing  her child on her own. And she’s happy like that.  I also met a woman who told me she got pregnant with a man she didn’t think he would make a good father, and got rid of him one year after the kid was born. She met another man, who takes great care of her child, but she told me she doesn’t want to get pregnant with him. She feared she would destroy her happiness by giving him a child.

A child is a very important decision in our life. Yet, we don’t necessarily choose the best option to have a kid.

So, what is a good dad?

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2 thoughts on “A good dad

  1. A good father (and mother for that matter)… would be observant and aware of his child as an individual. Peer pressure can be a serious issue, but one’s child isn’t like every other kid. Likewise, one’s parents are not and don’t necessarily have to be like other parents.

    Why can’t you be more like Adam’s parents?

    Why can’t you be more like the Stewarts’ kids?

    Don’t make pie-crust promises, ones that are easily made and easily broken. Try not to make them at least.

    There are only so many times a child can say, “but you promised” before the child stops caring and assumes the promise will be broken.

    Allow kids to make their own mistakes (within reason/legal boundaries). There’s no better deterrent against thoughtless, misguided, idiotic, or down-right mean/dangerous actions than one’s own memory of what happened the last time. Besides, some people have to have experienced the consequences of poor judgment before internalizing mantras of “just say no, don’t do that again.”

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