When you have the world against you, does the world always win? In French, we say that “Une histoire d’amour qui commence mal finit mal“. In other words, a relationship that starts badly has great chances to end badly. If we go through many difficulties to start a relationship, chances are those difficulties will remain and can poison your relationship. An example? Dating someone your friends and family hate, and have warned you about not falling for him/her. You have two options: either you choose not to date him/her, or you go against your friends and family advices and take your distance with them, inevitably. Picking this option would mean you will only have your partner, but no friends and family in your life left. That’s a difficult decision to make, isn’t it? Sooner or later, you will feel alone in this relationship, and you will have no one to speak to, except if you make new friends. But you can’t take your distance with your real friends and family. They are a big part of who you are. Erasing them from your life is like giving up a huge part of your personality. Is this sacrifice worth the case?
This is an extreme example. But there are other cases where the obstacles are just too big to ignore. “I fell in love with B. but I was married at that time, and so was he. B. was also much older than me, and I knew that my mom would have screamed if I brought her a man like him. Plus, B. was a very controversial man. Everyone hated him, because he’s very tough with people in general. Choosing him would have made me his allies, hence, someone to hate too. I couldn’t accept that. Yet, the love I had for him was very powerful. I was really drawn to him. We started to have an affair. His wife learned everything and asked for a divorce. Later, my husband knew too about this, and asked for a divorce. My mother was furious against me. She told me I should feel ashamed to ruin my marriage and another one, with a guy she hated as soon as she heard his first words. I was blinded by love, I couldn’t see the end coming. Months of living with B. proved to be really difficult. He turned out to be a really selfish man, who also spent a lot of time away from home. I ended up going back to my mom, and asked her for forgiveness. I guess our relationship was doomed from the beginning, and that there were too many powerful forces against us. I should have read the signs” H., 35, told me.
If people try to separate you from your object of affection, this is not a good sign too. “My family hated my man. They told me he was after our money, not in love with me. As I was working for my father’s company, he promoted me to a post abroad I couldn’t refuse, but I had to sacrifice my relationship. I accepted. I was hoping my man would have followed me, but he told me he couldn’t. Shortly after, we broke up” I., 37 ,said. “His parents thought I wasn’t worth it. They did their best to ruin our relationship, and managed to send him away from me. He just forgot about me” J., 29, said.
Love is subversive. When we fall in love, we try to establish a new world with only the two of us. But this new world can be fragile, especially if there are multiple attacks against it. Chances of survival are really thin.
So, would you sacrifice everything just for love?