broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Bad influence

When we fall in love, we fall in love with the person who holds the promise of changing our life. That change can be good, but it can also be bad. It’s amazing what we can do when we are bored. Recently, I was reading an article about baby escorts, aka Italian teenagers who sell their sexual services just like that, because they’re bored and they want to get noticed. Geez. Now, back to love. Recently, I had a bit of a chat with an old friend of mine, who just got dumped, three days before his marriage. Since then, he’s been miserable, and he only wish for her to come back into his life. Even if he knows she was such a bad influence on him. “I wasn’t myself anymore when I was with her. I was hypnotized. When we were together, we were like rebels against everything. We would do everything we wanted, we felt invincible. My friends didn’t recognize me anymore. They told me I became such a douche. They said it was her fault. She was just too wild to handle. Very unpredictive. But I love her to death. We were about to get married, when she decided we shouldn’t continue like that, that it wasn’t right. And disappeared. My heart exploded in thousand pieces when she told me that. I was totally numb afterwards. It took me days to realise she was gone for good. Since then, I don’t feel the same. I need her back. I don’t feel whole anymore” he said. And when I asked him if he lost himself in this relationship, he replied positively, but added that this relationship helped him to find himself back.

Such a bad influence can’t last for long. Why? Simply because it doesn’t sustain the burden of time. This only goes hand in hand with passion, and passion doesn’t last. In every relationship, passion fades away after three years, and we end up in the process of the maturity of love, which can also translate into a hard landing into reality. But those first months  are  so good, aren’t they?

What is a bad influence anyway? According to my friends, a person who has a bad influence on us is someone who tears us apart from where we belong. “If you fall in love with someone all of your friends hate, someone who’s dangerous for you, someone who doesn’t care about you” one of my friends said. “It’s someone you can’t trust”. “It’s someone who will make you suffer, you know it from the start”.

Of course. But this is also why women fall for the bad guy, the rocker, the rebel. Why douche writers like … can score with the opposite sex (and the same sex as well).

So, can you fall for someone who has a bad influence on you?



5 thoughts on “Bad influence

  1. Ellis I. Lee says:

    passion fades after 3 years? i would have to disagree…

    your friend’s situation and his comments are very interesting. i have recently been thinking a lot about the idea of soul mates for a story and his experience illustrates some of those thoughts.

    i hope he will discover himself after all this.

  2. Ellis, it depends on the definition of passion. For my friend, I don’t know. He says that she helped her to discover himself. And that without her, nothing is the same. I just hope she will come back into his life.

  3. Ellis I. Lee says:

    what is your definition of passion? i have to know!

    i think there are people who believe that those who hurt us the most are the ones who help us to grow the most. the dalai lama believes that is the reason we need enemies because they can sometimes teach us more about ourselves than even our friends.

    and i sort of believe that at the end of our journey, we all come back together anyway.

  4. Passion for me is a synonym of infatuation. But it’s the definition within falling in love. I’m passionated about my job, but I don’t consider it the same way as I would act if I fall in love. I’m not infatuated with my job. Do you see what I mean?
    For enemies, I don’t know. There are some people that I don’t like, but they don’t teach me much about myself. Perhaps it’s because I don’t hate them enough? As for people who seek to destroy me, well, my short experience hasn’t put me in front of those kind of people, so I can’t tell.
    At the end of our journey, we all come back together. All of us. But for lovers, if they are meant to be, I don’t see any reason why they should be separated for good.

  5. Ellis I. Lee says:

    ah, infatuation… lust and craving!

    i am happy to hear that no one is trying to destroy you. i hope that never changes. and you are right: it seems a terrible shame that true love should ever be separated from each other for even just one waking moment in life.

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