broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Just a kid

Each woman has a key moment where she leaves her girl’s world to enter womanhood. For some, this moment happens when they lose their virginity. For others, it’s when they have the guts to defy their parent’s authority or take a completely different view compared to theirs, about something that is really important, for example, the man they love, the career they choose to embrace, the direction of their love life (toward heterosexuality or homosexuality, or even bisexuality). But for some, even past 30 year old, the line isn’t clear between the woman and the little girl. Once, I was talking with one of my coworkers, who’s one the sweetest girl you can ever meet, but her problem is exactly that she is a 35 year old sweetest girl you can ever meet. She told me that she was raised with four boys by a mother who didn’t give a damn about her looks. In fact, her mother had never found herself beautiful and treated herself accordingly. “My mother has never wore make up nor sexy clothes. And I don’t think she loved herself much” my coworker said. She’s distancing herself a bit from her mother, though. She tries to wear a little make up. But she has never dressed sexy. And she told me that she has a hard time considering herself like a woman, at 35.  Her love life hasn’t helped her that much in finding the woman in her, she added.

I had once the same kind of conversation with one of my friends, who told me it took her years  to feel like a woman. And it only happened very recently. She ended her twelve years relationship with her man, who was also her first love. “We grew up together, but I never imagined I became a woman during this time. I was his best friend, his lover,  but this didn’t make me necessarily a woman. Inside of me, I still felt a little childish” she said. She started to leave her childhood behind when she met her new man. Her first encounter with him was a little bit harsh. They couldn’t stop fighting. Then, once, he told her she was cute. And she got very offended by this. “I’m not cute. The word is inappropriate. I would have preferred if he used the word beautiful. But then, it made me think: was I really beautiful, sexy? It just stroke me I wasn’t that” she said. So, she started to review her wardrobe, and decided to shed a few pounds and change her haircut to something more mature. A few months later, she didn’t look the same anymore. She told me she needed a trigger to grow up, and the trigger was her new man. She also added that her new man helped her changing her behavior. “Before him, I used to keep it mum and let it pass whenever we got into an argument with my ex. And I also hid behind him all of the time when we used to go out. This has changed” she said.

It’s amazing how interactions with others have such an influence on our personality.

So, how do you know you left childhood behind you for good?


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