I bumped very recently into D., my former coworker who used to drive me mad. It’s been almost two years now he has left our company. Since then, I discovered he was gay (thanks to Facebook) and I also understood that D. was a bit lost in his life, although he didn’t want any pity.
The key characteristic with him is that he’s very uncomfortable with the opposite sex. The two women who tried to hit on him told me they noticed that too. D. only talked about women in derogatory terms. During our numerous lunches, he spent his time bashing my female colleagues, and famous female politicians/ first ladies. When I wasn’t with the group, I was also treated the same way. I just realized he didn’t understand women at all. And when you don’t understand something, you have two options: either you try, or you criticize. D. chose the second option. A very mature one
D. hasn’t changed at all in two years. He’s still very wary about women. Maybe one day, he will publish books about women, like H. de Montherlant did before. Except that I doubt he wouldn’t infuriate all women on this planet, unlike de Montherlant.
When I discovered that D. is gay, I was a bit puzzled about this detail. One of my best friends is gay, and he has never treated me with disrespect or wariness. But I felt the need to ask him what he thought about women. My friend was brought up by his mother and his aunt. His father left the house when he was three. He never heard of him afterward. He told me that just for this reason, he could never disrespect women. But he’s attracted to men. Period. He thinks D.’s behavior has nothing to do with his homosexuality. “It’s fear” he said. “You know it’s not rational at all, but we all have fears. And we act accordingly to these” he added. “Plus, it’s easy to bash a community or someone because your group is doing the same. I bet he belongs to those groups who hate women”.
My friend may be right. But D. helped me to find a lot of inspiration for this blog. Go figure out why.
So, what do you fear the most in the opposite sex?