celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, women

Turn off the bright light

When I was a student, I had once to pick some documents at one of my classmates’s apartment, and when I entered the room, I remembered all the candlelights laying everywhere. I asked her why she had so many candlelights, and she replied that once lit, those created an erotic atmosphere. “I can’t have sex with the lights on. This is an alternative where I can let go without stressing about how I look during the act” she said. Years later,  when I had once a chat with all of my friends, some of them admitted they also like candlelights or dimelight for making love. “It’s a trigger for sex. When the candlelights burn, I know I’m in the mood for sex” one of them said. “This is a compromise I found with my ex. He was tired of doing it in the dark, while I hated doing it with the lights on. So, once, we gave it a try with a different atmosphere. I bought some candlelights, and I was instantly feeling better about this. You’re not completely in the dark, nor in the light. And it creates shades, leaves you to imagine things. It’s stimulating. I like this. I don’t want to have sex in a different way now” another one said.

It’s true that most women hate to have sex in the light. While it’s also true that men want to do so like that. We do because we don’t have the same perception about the act of sex. Most women can’t let it go when they have sex in the light because they focus on their physical flaws. “I’m not perfect. I’m convinced he would notice how fat is my tummy, flat is my butt, … during the act. So, I prefer to have sex in the dark. Otherwise, I can’t concentrate on anything else than my flaws, and I would have a hard time to come”R., 34, said. But not all women are the same. “I need to see my lover during the act. I need to see his desire for me. This turns me on”H.,35, said.

Men, on the other hand,  often see sex as a perfomance. So, they need light to see what they’re doing, and how their partner react.

But those dynamics can change with time, when both partners trust each other or know each other very well. It’s how you decide to do it that matters, then.

So, do you like to do it in the dark, or in the light?


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