broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Coming full circle


One of my friends is about to get married to her ex. They first dated 20 years ago, but it didn’t work at that time because he was flirting with other girls. Between them, it was just a teenage fling. They called it quit after one year and started dating other people. He got married seven years later. My friend moved in with her lover the year later. And both became single again three years ago. They met again because they were neighbors. When she left her lover, my friend moved in an apartment down town, and her ex chose the same one without knowing she was there. When they realized they lived in the same building, they decided to become friends. And  got to know each other a little better than when they were teenagers. To their surprise, they got along really well. So, they decided to dust off their old relationship, and give it a try.

When I asked my friend if things would have been different if they didn’t date when they were teens, she replied negatively. “OK, back then, it was just a fling. But we were so young. We wouldn’t have  imagined we would get married one day to each other. At that time, all he wanted to do was to have fun and to experience life. He didn’t want to commit in a relationship. And I didn’t want that too, although we loved each other.  Now, it’s clear for both of us we want to be with each other for the rest of our life” she said.

In the case of my friend, I’m still wondering if this full circle is caused by pure randomness. After all, if they didn’t move in the same apartment, they wouldn’t have got together. But it’s a great thing for them. I went once to a wedding where the bride and groom got together again after a series of ordeals. They fell in love when they were 17, but their family were clearly against their union. He was Jewish, she was catholic. There was no way their family would accept another religion in the family. They had to meet in secret. And their family tried to intercept their communication as much as they can. Once, the future bride didn’t receive any news from him for 4 weeks, and she started to worry sick. She had no choice but to call her future mother in law and ask her when J. was. And she told her it was over, that J. finally understood they would never go anywhere together. The future bride was in shock. She tried to find him, but never managed to do so. She didn’t know J. was sent to see his dying uncle abroad. She didn’t know her mother-in-law told J. she wanted to call it quits. She didn’t know her own mother told J. the same lie. When J. came back, she confronted him. But he simply told her he never wanted to see her again.

Five years later, they bumped into each other by accident in a seminar. Both were married, so when they noticed each other’s ring, they concluded they were in a neutral situation. They were alone in the seminar, and knew nobody else, so they stick to each other during the whole event. At the end of it, J. asked her why she left. And then, she bursted into tears, and asked him why he didn’t want to talk to her, as his mother told him. When they realized they were manipulated by their family, they became pale, and didn’t say a thing. The next day, he called his mother for an explanation, and she called her to have one too. And they admitted the truth.

To their surprise, their spouse understood the situation, and accepted the divorce. They married two years after this meeting, with their ex as maid of honor and best man(…), but without their family. I guess here, their full circle isn’t caused by pure randomness.

I can’t help wondering: when do we know we’re made for each other?

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3 thoughts on “Coming full circle

  1. So the story has another side. That side where you have stolen the lives of others. So easy to hide behind the words of true love, the warmth of the idea of a soul mate, and the comfort that comes with the idea that a love has been lost. Do you care that now that you have been with others, created a life that did not work, and left your “true love” to the side, he has made a life with others but your love, which you have only just realized has stolen the life of others.

  2. Hi thingsforgotten,
    When we fall in love, we create a new collective movement consisting only of the two of us. It’s a revolution. And like every revolution, it brings a change, a radical one in our lives. Of course, love is selfish. But that’s what makes us human.

  3. Hi Modobs, love might be selfish but it is not deceitful. She reached into our home and he took her hand. They are sneaking around and lying about where they are going. It seems nothing they do together is about love, it seems more about thrill and hurt.

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