broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Leave


When love is gone in a couple, people choose to stay or not in the relationship for various reasons except love. It can be guilt, fear of loneliness, comfort, even pity, but not noble sentiments. But I do think this is not sustainable on the long term.

Staying in a loveless relationship is like lying to yourself. On the long run, lies are always unbearable and the truth is being told. This is a journalist who says this. So, there will be a time where one member of the couple will seek for the greener grass. Sometimes, this experience helps you realize you’ve lost yourself somewhere out there, and that you belong to your estranged partner.

But sometimes, it just gives you the courage to quit for good this relationship. Many couples form on the ruins of their previous relationship. I., 35, left her husband of 11 years to start a new life with another man. She got pregnant after one year and doesn’t regret her choice. She said she needed him to get out of her marriage which wasn’t working anymore. She thought about leaving it many times over the  last two years, but couldn’t find the courage to do it. Until J. came into her life.

For sure, this is the easy way out. But for your ex, many of my male friends say it’s the worst thing you can do to a man. They say it’s easier to handle the break up if there’s no third party involved. Yet, I’m not convinced.

Leaving on your own is not easy at all. Firstly, because you end up alone, and this can be terrifying. This is why some broken couples chose to still live together, until they could manage to rebound. This is also why friends chose to live together after a breakup. O. 36, and B. 41, chose to rent an apartment together after their mutual divorce. Not because they were lovers. They just needed each other’s company in that difficult period.  Some people also chose the option to go back to their parent’s home. But unless you have a great bond with your parents, the cohabitation can be difficult.

Secondly, the temptation to go back to your ex is really tempting in that moment. You feel guilty about leaving him, even if somewhere inside you, you know you made the right choice.  Plus,  living on your own has its advantages, but also its flaws. For example, who will give you a hand when you need it? But this is also a enlightening experience. It can teach you a lot about yourself. The problem is, when you’re fragile after a breakup, living on your own can be risky. Remember the opening of the book “Eat, pray, Love” where Elizabeth Gilbert explained she wanted to commit suicide with her kitchen knife.

So, maybe it’s easier to leave than to be left behind. But it’s not that easy.

As for my part, I can tell you that I feel no proud about leaving. Not at all.  I just hope he will forgive me.

So, is it easy to leave?

Advertisements
Standard

3 thoughts on “Leave

  1. I didn’t leave for another man, but it did cross my mind. And I don’t think either way is easy, and yes I am alone, and sometimes my loneliness is as sharp as a knife, but I am learning things about myself, becoming a stronger woman, and I do now have a love, albeit a long distance one.

    Part of why I didn’t leave for another man, was because I wanted him to know that it WASN’T because of someone else, I wanted him to know the real reasons behind it. I wanted him to see what he had done to me.

    And I guess a big part of me wanted to prove to myself that I could do it on my own.

  2. Hi SweetAngel,
    No, it’s not easy at all. It takes courage to leave on your own. But you made the right decision. You should be proud of it.

  3. Leaving a relationship, regardless of how loveless or destructive it has become,is actually more difficult than it seems. There will be always a feeling of “what if” or “what could have been” when people part ways and so people stay in a relationship trying to mend the problems they have in order to make things right.

    The second thing is pride. Nobody wants to give up or chicken out in a relationship because it tells of one’s character towards life. When the going gets tough, only the tough gets going, and if people give up during a rocky period in their relationship, then it shows that the person is not ready for a commitment. Nobody wants to come out from a relationship as incapable of commitment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s