celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

An easy lover


Very recently, I was watching a stupid TV program where a famous French actress said she wished she had an older lover than she. She explained she was in a relationship with a guy of the same age than she, and that it would be easier with an older lover (an old dude, as she refers it)  “because there’s no need to seduce him“.

She had obviously drunk a little bit too much of champagne when she said that. Nevertheless, it’s curious how we can tell the truth in our drunken dialogues.

This makes me wonder: is it really easier with an older lover? I don’t think so. Physically, maybe. But it’s impossible to seduce all men only with our looks. If it’s the case, then, what kind of men? Certainly not someone who wants to build a long term relationship.

It depends if a woman only likes men who fancy her looks. I guess Pamela Anderson would fall into that category. But even Pamela Anderson doesn’t pick older dudes… And on the long run, these unions are not sustainable. Because as women get older, their capital of seduction quickly depletes. And they will be replaced by a younger version of them.

For the bonding part, this is even trickier. An older lover is simply older, and this implies his tastes, thoughts, … may be dramatically different than his lady love.  He had also a lot more experience about life, and this includes sometimes a heavy love life.

Somehow, some couples do manage to pass all those hurdles. And when you’re 45 and date a 65 year old man, this isn’t exactly the same as a 18 year old chick who dates a 40 year old man.

I guess when you’re really in love, you manage to go through all these obstacles.

But I really don’t think it’s easier with an older lover.

What do you think?

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5 thoughts on “An easy lover

  1. Actually, I had exactly the opposite problem to the one you identify when I dated an older man. He declared his undying love, and we broke up because I didn’t want to get into something long term. I think there are complexities to the dynamic which go beyond just looks. In my experience, older men like the feeling that, with their greater life experience, they are looked up to, and have something to impart. Age isn’t the only factor in determining how good a woman looks, of course. I think these relationships are complex, and we can’t judge them solely by their longevity.

  2. I think many older people (and potential lovers or mates) have more baggage for their younger and less experienced partners have to deal with. The older we get, the more set we are in our ways.

    If you’ve seen the musical or movie “Rent”, there was one scene where two people were trying to decide if they should start a relationship. The man, being more jaded, was more reluctant because of the baggage he might bring to the union. But the girl said, “I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine”.

    I think whatever age we’re in, a good match can be made if someone’s baggage goes with ours.

  3. Hi notanodalisque,
    Thanks for bringing this point. These relationships are complex, but most of relationships are complicated.

  4. Liz, I have to see that movie/musical now… That’s a pretty good definition of what a relationship should be…

  5. Ellis I. Lee says:

    does wisdom come with age?

    the reasoning of the french actress is interesting. she wanted to be with an older man because seducing an older man would be easier than trying to seduce a younger man.

    i don’t think she really wants to be with an older man.

    i think she just fears her man leaving her for a younger woman.

    and that happens quite a bit… replacing the old with the new.

    i guess the real question is: are people basically the same? or is everyone so different and unique that no one is the same?

    if people believe everyone is basically the same, i can see how much easier it would be to replace someone with a younger version. our society is based so much on appearances, and people like to talk… i mean gossip.

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