How come we can completely lose desire? Some argue that exhaustion can explain this. But I’m not convinced at all.
Desire/lust is something complicated. And our looks can’t help that much in this equation. B., 31, lived with a total hottie for five years, but she ended up having no sex with him on the last six months of their relationship. She said she didn’t fancy him anymore. Her ex has a banging body, but this wasn’t enough. He didn’t treat her the right way. She got so angry with him that she lost completely her desire for him.
A., 41, told me she had the best sex of her life with a true nottie. She didn’t expect it at all the first time she saw him. But he had the ability to dominate her in the bedroom. She said she could have done anything with him.
Sometimes, jealousy can help us to win back our libido. Sometimes, not. I.,34, and her husband, needed to have a lover to get back their desire for each other. She got jealous he could see elsewhere, and so did he. But they realized their desire wasn’t dead. They just needed a trigger.
O., 35, did go elsewhere too. But this only made her realize she didn’t fancy her husband anymore. She didn’t care at all he had a mistress too. In fact, she secretly hoped he would leave her for his mistress. But he didn’t. So, she decided to break.
Paradoxally, our desire needs tensions to develop. There’s no better sex than the one after a fight, isn’t it? There are natural tensions between individuals that make us in lust or not. But when there are too much tensions, our desire just runs away. Tensions can come from frustration, coming itself from humiliation, anger, fears,…
Maybe this is a good indicator for our couple. When we lose desire, this means we’re having big problems in it. So, either we solve these problems if it’s possible. Or we just call it quits.
Most of my friends think that when desire is gone, the couple is dead. They may have reason.
So, what makes you in the mood for love?