broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Lovers to friends

Is it possible to remain friends with your ex? Yes, but there’s no universal rule to this. All depends on how the relationship ended. And it takes time to develop a real friendship with your ex. I’m not talking here about the civilized relationship we can keep with our ex for the sake of our children.

I don’t think it’s possible to become instant friends with your ex just after the breakup. There’s always frustration and bitterness in the way.  “With N., despite I had no feelings for him at all at the end of our relationship, we didn’t get friends immediately. When we broke up, he didn’t want to see me anymore. And we ended up not speaking with each other for several months. Then, he called me and asked if it was possible just to have a drink together in a cafe. I didn’t know what to expect from it, but I accepted. And this is how we began our friendship. He was seeing another woman. I didn’t feel he was trying to win me back. It was very clear he only wanted to be my friend. And that’s what I wanted too” G.,32, said.

True friendship means honesty, and if the feelings aren’t clear with our ex, this is how it can  create tensions that can lead to a huge fight and the conclusion we don’t want to see him again. The ultimate test for this is when we start to have a new love life. “I was supposed to be friends with my ex, but when I got a new man, he acted like a jealous boyfriend with me, and even tried to ruin my relationship. I knew I didn’t want him back, so I told him to stop his behavior. He didn’t want to, so we concluded it was best if he stayed away from me” I., 35, said.

The reverse  situation can also happen if he/she jumps into a new relationship.”O. and I. had a complicated relationship. I was never satisfied because he never acted like I wanted, but yet, I couldn’t help running back to him whenever we had a huge fight and I threatened to leave him. Until I left him for good. He didn’t want to lose me, and asked if we could remain friends. I accepted, but when he started dating women again, I was so jealous. I could have decided to concentrate on my own love life, but I couldn’t. As a result, it took me years to get over this relationship. This destroyed my self-esteem” T., 36, said.

The new love interest of your ex, or yours, will have to accept this friendship. And it’s not an easy task, because he/she can consider you as a rival.  And if you’re not clear with your feelings, this is how you can end up either in a love triangle, or lose this friendship.

So, do you think it’s possible to be friends with your ex?


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