I read recently this book, the Heart Mender, a very touching story about forgiveness. And I couldn’t help thinking about one of my friends, who lost last year her newborn. Her baby was only three days when she passed away. She knew during her pregnancy that her child had very little chance to live.
We didn’t hear about her for months. She didn’t want to talk to us. She became bitter about life, and told us when we got in touch with her again she hated herself and was a very bad company. We were completely disarmed with her, we didn’t know what to say to her.
Among my very best friends, she was the first to have a child. My experience just sums up with a miscarriage, at an early stage of my pregnancy. My other friends are still single. Things have changed a little since last year. My estranged friend is now pregnant again, and happy about it. Her pregnancy has gone well so far, and she’s about thisclose to deliver the baby boy.
My other friends have seen a change too. One got married, and is pregnant too. Another one is quietly dating a man who could be the one. Another one still hasn’t decided to settle a day for her wedding, but she’s slowly renovating the house she bought with her man two years ago.
As if her painful experience had influenced us. I guess it had. But we’re happy she’s back in our life.
We all have things to forgive. Things important. My friend has to accept and forgive her destiny for her little one who can’t make it. Another of my friends had to forgive her ex for cheating and mentally abusing her, to move on and find love again.
But it’s a difficult path. And we often need an external help. Boris Cyrulnik calls this person the resilience tutor, the one who helps us reconstruct ourself after a painful experience. How do we recognize him/ her? It’s the person who helps us to take a deep look at ourself and pushes us, naturally, to change, to evolve.
I had one. I met him two years ago. Before him, I was moody, shy, and hated myself. I thought I could never make it as a journalist.
But I also needed to see a therapist. I guess I needed two resilience tutors. One to realize who I was, the other to help me growing without him.
Because this man, the one that I fell madly in love with, can’t give me what I need. And I have to let him go.
One day, I will forgive him. And learn to love myself more.
But it takes time, to forgive, doesn’t it?